A statement released today said that Madonna's directorial debut, Filth and Wisdom is set to premiere at the Berlin film festival February of next year. While I don't have any psychic powers per se, I think it's pretty safe to say this movie is going to suck with the mighty force of a thousand Hoovers. It is going to blow like Moonlight Bunny Ranch on "Hummer Tuesday."

Because let's face it -- Madonna was only ever really good at two things: writhing around scantily clad and wearing tight-fitting leather outfits. I wouldn't even put "singing" in the top two. And Madonna's involvement in a film is pretty much the equivalent of the involvement of toxic black mold in the walls of your house: it's the touch of fucking death.