Litely Salted

Here are the best Super Bowl commercials from last night. Also, the Google one was kinda totally adorable. (Pajiba)

Bad: Jennifer Aniston might have hired a prostitute. Worse: The prostitute was Gerard Butler. No, really. (Yeeeah!)

In Megan Fox's Super Bowl Commercial last night, she actually used a stand-in hand model because her thumbs were too weird. Once again: No, really. (The Blemish)

Oh. My. GOD. Alyson Hannigan officially has the most adorable baby EVER. (Seriously? OMG!)

Donatella Versace apparently doesn't know what her natural colour is. Whether she's referring to hair, skin, eyes or whatever else is up for debate. (Celebitchy)

Apparently, LOVE Magazine decided the best way to hype their Spring/Summer line was by having the models wear absolutely no clothes whatsoever. Once again, REALLY. (Celebslam)

Ooooo! Fun fact: I was in NYC this weekend, and I went on the 30 Rock tour and totally saw them setting up for the SNL skit where Ashton Kutcher made fun of Access Hollywood! Yes, really. (HollyWire)

YIKES. Keira Knightley's stalker was arrested, with and added bonus of "Creepy Candid Shots" too boot on this article. (CelebSmack)

Here's Eliza Dushku at a Guess and Elle Event. (usemycomputer)

Snooki has a new man, and SURPRISE! He looks like a total douche. (Allie Is Wired)

Guess who's (not really) selling their baby?! (Celeb Jihad)

Taylor Swift, who stands at 5'11 and makes me feel tiny and inadequate enough as it is, has decided that she needs to start dating a tall guy, and make tall babies and just make everyone else in the world feel all short and stupid. Well thanks a whole effing lot there, Taylor Swift!

The Grammy winner tells OK!, "The bad thing about being tall is the majority of people are at a different eye level than you, and so you feel like you're looking down to talk to people, which is kind of unnatural - looking down to talk to people, and they have to look way up to talk to you.
 
"It just depends on what group of people you're around. If there are a few scattered tall people in the room or in the group of people that you're talking to, it's not awkward at all. But if you're around a bunch of little, mini-people and you're the only giant in the circle, it can be kind of interesting." (Source)

Seriously Taylor Swift, what the crap? You're already tall, why do you have to hog all the good tall people, huh? Save some for the rest of us here! It's not like you need a man around the house to get stuff of the top shelf. Have you seen your own arms? They're GIGANTIC. You look like what would happen if Mr. Fantastic and Elastigirl ever did the nasty in the pasty. What. The. Crap girl.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie attended the Superbowl last night with their son Maddox and were photographed having a good time together, which obviously means that they were blatantly denying split rumors because celebrities don't ever do anything that isn't carefully orchestrated for PR. Ever.

During the game, the couple were seen kissing, hugging and laughing together as they cheered on the Saints' dramatic victory which provided such an emotional moment for the city of New Orleans, devastated by Hurricane Katrina in 2005.

Their hugs and kisses follow weeks of speculation about their five-year relationship, with reports suggesting they have signed legal papers over their £200million fortune and custody of their six children. Jolie, 34, and Pitt, 46, will no doubt be hoping their public outing on the biggest night's of America's sporting calendar will quash speculation all is not well in their relationship. (Source)

Of course, despite that the two were seen genuinely seeming to enjoy each others company will only quell breakup rumors until ... Oh, about an hour from now. Don't get me wrong -- I'm all for blatantly unsubstantiated celebrity rumors, but at least make them interesting for chrissakes. Like that thing about Lady Gaga having a penis. Whichever gossip blogger came up with that one should win a goddamn Nobel Prize.

I have to admit a fascination with watching Beyonce perform live, mostly because the girl goes batshit insane whenever she's onstage. Seriously, if you could bottle that kinda crazy, you'd have a goddamn goldmine on your hands. Also fun: seeing her bust bass-ackwards onstage during her shows. HA! To be fair, I can't even do the shit she does in a pair of cheap-ass sneakers as it is, but still, watching her fall on her ass? Kills me. Kills me fucking dead.

Linday Lohan's love life (alliteration!) has apparently now been upgraded from "fucking ridiculous" to "get thee to a nunnery." Not only is she living in the same building as her ex, Samantha Ronson, but apparently they are beating the sweet living shit out of each other. Oh, and they both have keys to each others' apartments because of fucking course they do.

"One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head," the source told RadarOnline.com. "She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her.

"She also said that Sam even punched and choked her one time."

Making things worse is the fact that both women live in the same building.

Following the break-in at her Hollywood Hills home, Lindsay moved into an apartment in West Hollywood. Shortly after, Samantha moved in. The source tells RadarOnline.com that Ronson regularly comes over using a key she has to Lindsay's apartment. (Source)

Remember how when you were younger, it used to be that the kid that hit you always secretly had a thing for you? Well, there's a reason people grow out of that: because when you're an adult and you and your significant other are kicking the ever loving bejeebus out of each other, that actually means that you two are fundamentally wrong for each other and need to stay as far away as humanely possible from each other, you crazy whores.

The Superbowl happened last night, and to be perfectly honest with you, I am the only person in my family who honestly couldn't give two shits about it. That being said, Betty White continued being awesome by appearing in a Super Bowl commercial for Snickers. Honestly, sometimes I see Betty White being all super totally awesome and I wish I was an old lesbian so that we could get gay married. And then I remember that I was an old lesbian, I'd probably look like Roger Ebert, and nothing is worth looking like Roger Ebert. Still, fuck me gently with a chainsaw if this woman isn't hardcore as shit.

Alrighty guys, Stacey and I are taking the day off tomorrow because Stacey's heading out for some Casino action and I'll be in NYC for my Birthday weekend, so see you guys on Monday!

OH. MY. GOD. Jon Stewart was on The O'Reilly Factor and it is just SO fucking awesome it's insane. (Pajiba)

So as it turns out, Lindsay Lohan might be a hoarder, but not the fun, crazy type on A&E, so there. (Yeeeah!)

Pamela Anderson might be on the next season of Dancing With The Stars, as the definition of "Stars" becomes ever more vague. (The Blemish)

Damn, does Pink ever look pretty! (Seriously? OMG!)

Gwyneth Paltrow and her pretentious GOOPey bullshit wants you to have a meat-free Monday. Right. (Celebitchy)

Anne Hathaway does not much care for the paparazzi apparently. HA! (BricksandStones)

Why hello AnnaLynne McCord's nipple, how are you today? (POTP)

Haha, Ke$ha totally got put in her stupid place on the red carpet at the Grammy's. (Evil Beet)

It's been all of three days since Tila Tequila deleted her Twitter account, and I'm sure those 72 hours without constant self-promotion must have been absolutely draining on her because SHOCKER! She's back on Twitter. Whoopee. Because the world desperately needs to hear the ramblings of a delusional Wishing Troll, right?

Dang... I guess I'm back! LOL Yes this is the real me dumbass....Look at my profile name! LOL

Whoa Twitter world feels so strange without all my followers. LOL HELLOOOOO! Is anyone here??? *Echoes*

Dont tell anyone I made a secret page ok?? Get the media & haters away from me! They like leeches! (Source)

Hmmmmm...Just a thought here, but if you didn't want the "media & haters" to get a hold of your Twitter page, perhaps naming it "TheRealTila" might not have been the best idea. Or plastering your image all over the fucking place. Or typing like a twelve-year-old girl beaten with the stupid stick. But then again, I never had my own fake-reality-dating show on MTV, so what do I know?

So Nick Jonas is taking part in the 'We Are The World' benefit song for Haiti (come on, haven't these people suffered enough?), and eventually, he got to the part about Lil Wayne covering Bob Dylan's part in the song. Long story short, he pretty much in no uncertain terms said that Bob Dylan can't sing. HA! Granted, Bob Dylan kinda sounds like he gargles with cement, but this is Nick Jonas we're talking about. The guy doesn't so much sing as he does spit out some sort of auto-tuned word salad while little girls around the world experience their first orgasm. At least Bob Dylan actually released some decent albums back in the day.

So remember back when Paris Hilton got robbed by that group of teenagers who were going around stealing from celebrities? Yeah, those were the good days. Well, as it turns out Paris didn't actually realize she was robbed for 2 entire fucking months after the fact.

Paris Hilton didn't notice she had been burgled for two months.

The socialite was targeted by the 'Bling Ring Gang' - a group of teenagers, who targeted the homes of the rich and famous - who stole her house keys from under her doormat outside her Los Angeles property but didn't realise until much later when the gang made a return raid, and making off with £1.2million worth of jewellery and valuables.

[The Robber, Nick Prugo] said: "Like, who would leave a door unlocked? Who would leave a lot of money lying around? Stupid." (Source)

HA! Wow, you know you're fucked when even the people who robbed your stupid ass are calling you out for having the IQ of a kumquat. To be fair though, doesn't everyone leave leave millions of dollars worth of jewelery lying around their house while the key to the front door is hidden in the most obvious place possible? Wait, they don't? And shit like that is fucking stupid? Huh, well I'll be damned.

Now that Snooki is a d-list celebrity, she's doing the whole "Personal Appearance" thing to cash in on some of that sweet, sweet fame. And for those in Chicago, she's appearing at Chicago's Medusa nightclub alongside pornstar/Margaret Cho crushee Ricky Sinz. How embarrassing. Can you getting booked to appear alongside Snooki? What happened Ricky Sinz? You used to be cool man. You used to be cool.

Come celebrate Medusa Saturdays 6 year Anniversary with Snookie from MTV's number one show "Jersey Shore".

Get for a crazy sexy night with Reality Stars, Strippers, Dancers and the hottest male body contest hosted by Snookie herself! She's "Snookin' for Love" will she find it at Medusa's? (Source)

Normally this is where we set up some sort of joke but..."Snookin' For Love"? Really? I think I just barfed a little bit in my mouth right now. No offense, but the idea of Snooki being intimate with anyone just grosses me out. She looks like what would happen if you gave an Oompa-Loompa a dye job, some Bumpits and a $50 gift card to Victoria's Secret. All I can say is, Ricky might want to invest in a bathtub full of penicillin.

Dustin and TK over at Pajiba take on the '(500) Days of Summer is misogynistic' bullshit. (Pajiba)

Another day, another way that Betty White proves how awesome she totally is. HA! I love her. (Evil Beet)

Oh thank GOD, it is so good to know that I'm not the only one who can sexualize Hugh Jackman when he's being a good father. (Yeeeah!)

Kellan Lutz from the shitty vampire movie that will not be named was in an underwear ad, and I'll be in my bunk. (The Blemish)

Remember how Pink sang naked and wet at the Grammy's? Well here comes the tie-in merchandise! (Seriously? OMG!)

Quick little thought here, but if you're 19th child is struggling for life after being born prematurely, that's usually a good sign to STOP HAVE CHILDREN, YOU AWFUL, AWFUL PEOPLE. (Celebitchy)

Today's "John Mayer is fucking everything" story is brought to you by Taylor Swift. Really, Taylor? For shame. (Celebslam)

Miley Cyrus is auctioning off the dress she wore to the Grammy's for charity, which I'm pretty sure will end up being bought by a pedophile. (HollyWire)

I'm still not sure who Katie Price is, but she got married in Vegas while her ex-husband stayed home and watched the kids. A class act this one is. (CelebSmack)

Here's Anne Hathaway out and about in LA. (usemycomputer)

Say what you will about Jennifer Aniston, but it's nice to see her hosting a telethon for Haiti. (Celeb Jihad)

Lady Gaga got a tattoo in honour of her fans yesterday and oh who even gives a shit at this point. It's not that I don't like Lady Gaga; On the contrary, I'm the half of this site who begrudgingly listens to and enjoys Lady Gaga. It's just that, well, Lady Gaga is the Sarah Palin of pop music. To paraphrase Jon Stewart here, it's not that she's a crazy lady who wears weird clothes and makes catchy music. Hell, I like her for that. It's the fact that once you strip away the outlandish get-ups and the quirky little sayings, there's nothing there. She can talk about fame and celebrity and fashion all she wants, but when it comes down to it, she's not saying anything. She's just someone who changes her look and sound to fit with whatever's popular at the time; she tries so hard to be something that she ends up being nothing. Which is a shame really, because I thought The Fame Monster was brilliant. But whatever, point is, Lady Gaga either needs to shit or get off the pot already.

I have no way of describing these photos, except to say that WOW is this ever gay. Like, so gay it borders on ridonkadonk. I mean christ, I do hardcore gay porn and this still ranks pretty high up on the gay scale which means it is fucking awesome. Seriously, it's about time America started owning it's gay already. I mean look at Lance: He owned his gay and now he's got abs! And he's the second most famous member of N*Sync! Listen up kids, if you're gay or bi or whatever, own that shit. Go out and be the gayest gay to ever gay a gay!

Here's more of Lance and Joey on Va-Gay-Tion (ZINGER!):

So the Oscar nominations were announced yesterday, and because of fucking course she did, Sandra Bullock got a nod for her movie, Helpful White Lady Helps Poor Unfortunate Minorities. For some reason, everyone thinks she's the shoe-in despite Meryl Streep giving the better performance, and now Sandra is totally bringing the game to Meryl.

"With Meryl, when this whole thing started, I left her a voice mail going, 'You've got to watch your back. I'm gonna cut you. I'm gonna take you down,'" Bullock tells the Associated Press. "And then she sent me dead orchids and told me to die, so I sent her a case of liquor and told her to toast to white trash."

[...] "You have to enjoy being with these women that you admire or love or like or have had friendships with or are just getting to know because you've got to take care of each other," Bullock told the AP. (Source)

In High School, I was totally up for this award in an English writing competition against this other guy who was, unlike me, totally rich. Anyway, one night I snuck into his house and wrote "Good Luck, Assbag" in pig's blood all over his walls as a joke and one thing lead to another...All I'm saying is, it's all fun and games until someone gets threatening messages via a pig, Sandy.