So I guess you've heard that Brittany Murphy is dead due to cardiac arrest. Which is of course suspicious because 32-year-olds typically don't go dying of heart attacks for no good reason. I'm actually really shocked and saddened by this news. Brittany was only like two months age difference than me, which kind of freaks me out -- not to mention that she was actually a genuinely gifted comedic actress, some of my favorite roles of hers being "Luanne" from "King of the Hill" and Lisa Swenson from Drop Dead Gorgeous.

Of course, in recent years her once promising career had kind of gone down the shitter with reports of increasingly erratic behavior and bizarre lifestyle choices like marrying some gross nobody slob of a screenwriter husband and unnecessary cosmetic surgery. That's why I just stick to booze. Nobody ever just drops dead from booze, and eventually science will probably be able to grow me a new liver.

Brittany and her creepy husband making out at LAX last month: