Shiner: (Noun) a black eye, typically resulting from a blow to the face.

Something happened to Kelly Osbourne. If you ask the smashed up part of her face, it tells you that somebody kicked the living shit out of her. However, if you ask the mouth part of her face, you can chalk it up to a freak accident.

While Kelly may have looked like she had been in a fight, her spokesman said the reality TV star had fallen prey to some bad DIY when the contents of a cupboard fell on top of her.

Kelly had a low-key bank holiday weekend at home after suffering from a tummy bug. Her illness was made even worse when she reached to get a glass from a cupboard in her kitchen and the whole piece of furniture fell off the wall on top of her, cutting her temple and hitting her in the left eye. (Source)

So basically, either Kelly's cupboard hates her as much as everyone else does, or she's been watching way too many Lifetime movies. Another good explanation for a black eye, according to the Lifetime network, is that you tripped and hit your face on a doorknob. Or you could take a cue from "Tom and Jerry" and say that you stepped on a gardening rake and the wooden handle hit you in the face, which is always hilarious. Except that that actually happened to my sister once, and she got severe puncture wounds in her foot as well as a broken nose. I guess that wasn't so funny, after all.

Well, at least she hasn't lost her appetite. Thank goodness for that: