Broke Ass (Adjective) Refers to a general loser or failure at life who ain't got no money.
For those curious about what happened to the legendary musician, Willie Aames, from the band "Willie Aames & Paradise" (less cool people also know him as Buddy Lembeck from "Charles in Charge"), here's a time line of his life's events:
1979: Forms Willie Aames & Paradise.
1982: Stars in Zapped!, alongside Scott Baio.
1984 - 1990: Stars in "Charles in Charge"
1995 - 2004: Stars as Christian Superhero, Bibleman.
2005: Loses 19 lbs. on VH1s "Celebrity Fit Club."
2008: Falls $350,000 in debt; files bankruptcy in home state of Kansas.
Damn! That broke ass was only paid a combined $29,000 for his recent book and appearance on "Celebrity Fit Club." But there's always a silver lining: Willie Aames and his son were recently robbed, but the thief only got away with $15.
“I was in Vegas last weekend for a bachelorette party and saw how hectic it is to plan a wedding, so I’ve decided to start planning mine before being asked!”
"I’ve been off the junk, as I call it, for five years," she says in the September issue of Fitness (out August 14). "I’ve had face lift, eye job and all that stuff five years ago.
"What I found, though, was that it didn’t help me one bit," Griffin says. "It didn’t get me happier or didn’t make me look particularly younger." (Source)
I heard from someone who is close to the case that there is a sex tape of Bill Belichick banging the married woman he had an affair with. I shit you not. The husband who is suing that woman for being unfaithful to him has a tape of his wife and Belichick screwing while the two of them were still married.(Source)
Oh, I'm sorry. Did you come here for celebrity gossip? Who gives a shit. This here is real news! The devil himself is a porn star. The most evil man in sports has been caught on camera shoving his devil-horned penis into a blonde woman that looks vaguely like Dina Lohan. Oh sure: That tape may never see the light of day (thank fucking God), but the knowledge that it exists is surely enough to haunt half of America.
Bill Belichick: Porn star. Write it down. Run it through your head. You think he wears those sleeveless hoodies to bed? You think he draws diagrams of his girlfriend's body before he goes exploring? Hell, if the past is any indication, he probably has a file of sex tapes of his girlfriend and her old partners, which he uses for research. Fucking cheater.
Ali Lohan's rep tells us the girl had no idea that Peter Davy was behind such classics as "Breast Wishes 14" and "Bun Busters 12." Sources tell us the meeting was actually set up by Ali's agent. Apparently, no one gave Dina a heads up -- pardon the expression. (Source)
Feldman appears in an unbuttoned shirt next to his naked wife in the new PETA ad, which recreates John Lennon and Yoko Ono's famous Give Peace a Chance bed-in.
He says, "They were going, 'More skin, more skin, give us more skin." (Source)
Trucker Hat (Noun) A baseball hat with a mesh backing, the quintessential accessory of douche-chic fashion. It's one of the many Paradoxes of American
School-age Culture: Rich kids paying out the ass to look like the kids
they make fun of.
Talk about a couple of extraordinary nut sacks: It looks like Ashton Kutcher and Justin Timberlake -- who should be arguing over whose the biggest labia fold -- are having a celebrity squabble over the goddamn trucker hat.
Justin Timberlake is convinced he was the first celeb to sport a trucker cap. The singer is slightly offended that fashion experts have credited hunky Ashton Kutcher, 30, with setting the trend. Justin, 27, is keen to set the record straight.
'It's funny, I keep hearing Ashton Kutcher say how he was responsible,' he tells Metro. 'I was wearing them when I was 17.'
Let's just settle this debate now, OK. You know who was first to wear trucker hats? Truckers. Middle-aged men with mustaches, Waffle House guts, and handles like "Yard Stick" and "Rubber Necker," who sleep in the back of their cabs and spend their days behind the wheel of an semi chatting on their CB radios. In other words: Guys who are about 47 times cooler than Ashton Kutcher and Justin Timberlake. In fact, I suspect if a trucker saw a rich punk wearing a trucker hat, he'd probably laugh at them for paying $50 for the same thing he paid $4 for at a truck stop. Then he'd beat the shit out of him for being such a fucking poseur.
You can use it as a noun ("Have you seen Iron Man? Downey Jr. is one extraordinary nut sack!"), a verb ("You kids better shut the fuck up back there, or I'm going to come and extraordinarily nutsack you little shits!") and an adjective ("I took my kids to see Wall-E, and they all thought it was Extraordinary Nutsack!"). (Source)Personally, I like a more literal meaning, as in: Have you seen Cisco Adler's extraordinary nut sack?
Each had introduced the other to family. Hudson's mom Goldie Hawn gave what seemed to be her approval at a July 1 lunch at The Ivy at the Shore. Also, Hudson's four-year-old son Ryder went to a Father's Day brunch with Armstrong — and dad Chris Robinson - in June. (Source)
Heres how stupid and inaccurate the media can be... According to the press I didn't show up to my brothers 18th birthday at the jail.
*hes in jail
*Its an important birthday...the big 18!!!
*I'm only a 4 hour drive to Tampa
*He's the most important thing in my life.
They must have thought I didn't show cause they didn't SEE me. uhh...there's such thing as a back door you jerks. (Source)
"Pop culture proves that teens are more ready than ever to discuss the subject of sex," says the company's VP of marketing, Carol Carrozza. "We believe that Miley is both influential and relatable to this afflicted set—and is the obvious choice to get the message of safe sex out to teens across America." (Source)
"All my life I've been in long-term monogamous relationships. I had to break that pattern by not allowing myself to have a relationship for a year, stopping myself from committing to men. I haven't been celibate. I've had lots of dates and lots of sex, but I haven't been pushing to turn a date into a relationship. This has been a huge thing for me."You see what she's doing here, don't you? She's playing the jealousy card. She knows if Ryan reads about her having "lots of sex," that he won't be able to stand it. That he can feel it when she's scratching her nails down another man's back. That he can't stomach the thought of her being with another man. With other men. With a Canadian football team of wild stallions. That the thought of her replacing him would be too much to bear and he'd have no choice but to dump ScarJo and return to the warm, loving embrace of Alanis (now with 30 pounds more warmth!).
Yet the performer he cites first as an example of the excellent health of standup comedy in a post-Carlin world is Dane Cook, a popular but polarizing presence on the standup scene.
“Why does Dane Cook have 2.5 million, 3 million fans on MySpace? Why does he sell out two shows at Madison Square Garden, and tickets go for $7,500 on eBay?” Masada asked.
“(Cook has) found a wonderful way to communicate with young people,” Masada said. “He talks about subjects that young people want to talk about. He’s one of a kind. Dane was ahead of his time. He worked hard and he got it going.
“Madison Square Garden? George Carlin couldn’t sell that out.”
I don't even know where to begin, other than to suggest that someone needs to punch this guy in the neck. Since when did we equate popular, mainstream appeal to talent? George Carlin was who he was because he broke barriers, he fucked with the system, and he was fucking hilarious. Not because he could sell out a venue. Dane Cook mispronounces sandwich and develops entire routines around standing in line at the drug store. Dane Cook believes that, if something isn't naturally funny, all he has to do is YELL LOUDER and the audience will eat it up. Dane Cook is a shmuck. Dane Cook is a Douche-tongued lothario, the Prince of Douchelvania, the Captain of the S.S. Douche. He is lame incarnate. The man wouldn't know funny until it blew a hole in the back of his throat, which actually might warrant a chuckle or two. Why do millions of people love him?
Because they don't fucking know any better.
Ugly Stick (Noun) A stick that has the magical property of turning anyone touched with
it, ugly. A beating from the ugly stick will have a much more severe
effect than just a casual touch. Ugly sticks come from Ugly Trees, which can be found clumped together in ugly forests.
Well, I suppose we can guess at why Madonna and Guy Ritchie are having marital difficulties. He beat the hell out of her with an ugly stick. Domestic abuse is not cool, Guy. And neither is Madonna's new look: Nouveau Hideous. Holy Jim Beam.
"I think my whole life I was kind of living as a teenager and not really taking responsibility," Hilton told PEOPLE. "Now I realize that I'm an adult and I'm running a huge company and I'm in love. I'm in a great relationship. I have my family. I'm just excited for life."
The American Eagle Foundation has released more than 90 eagles from Dolly Parton's Dollywood theme park in East Tennessee since the 1990s. The eagles were named Tennessee (after the Cyrus' home state) and Hope (Miley's given middle name before she had it legally changed this year). (Source)
She tells MTV UK.com, "I'm not comfortable with it (FHM Sexiest Woman) at all. It annoys me. (Source)
The 34-year-old Batman star is reported to have snubbed the plea and allegedly 'pushed and shoved' Sharon and his mother Jenny, 61, during a row in his suite at the Dorchester Hotel on Monday.
A source told The Sun: 'Christian is a very wealthy man and was asked to help his sister out financially.
'He was asked to loan her Â£100,000 but he refused and it caused an almighty row.'
Jenny Bale is also said to have made highly disparaging comments about the star's glamorous wife of eight years, Sibi, 38, a former make-up artist and model.
So, let's read between the lines here, OK?
So, Jenny was like, "I need some grocery and cigarette money. Just a loan. I'll pay you back. I swear! Can you help a sister out?" And Christian was probably like, "Fuck you. Where were you when I was making movies nobody ever heard of, like Metroland and The Secret Agent." And she was probably, like: "We've always stood behind you, in our hearts!" And then he said, "I earned this money wearing a rubber suit for 12 hours a day. You chose to be a circus clown. I'm not going to pay for your bad decisions." And then Jenny probably said, "Your wife is a whore." And Christian probably got up in her grill and went all apeshit on her, "Do you know who I am? I'm Batman, bitch. I will cut you."
So, you know, typical trailer-trash bullshit. It reminds me of home. The names and the dollar amounts are different, but it's nothing you wouldn't hear at the Hurricane Lake Mobile Home Park in Bryant, Arkansas.
Here's Christian Bale and that "whore" of a wife at last night's Barcelona premiere of The Dark Knight:
"They had to blast me twice and get me started all over again," he told the news program in an interview to be aired on Thursday evening.
"I did think: 'Oh gosh, I have got to hang on. I've got too much junk I've got to take care of. I've got to take care of the family."'
Grammar, who stars in Swing Vote, alongside Kevin Costner, which opens next month, says that he was suffering from stress, which may have contributed to his near-death experience, after his sitcom, "Back to You," was canceled last year.
"Obviously you play the hand you're dealt, and it has been a very interesting hand lately; it has been tough," he said. (Source)
Poor Kelsey. It really does have to be tough for the guy. The paltry royalties from two of the most successful (and re-ran) television sitcoms in history he probably has to subsist on. The heart attack was probably because of all the fast-food he was forced to eat because he couldn't afford anything else but the dollar menu at McDs and Ramen Noodles, which he had to eat in Bermuda. With his wife. In a hotel room that costs more per night than most of us make in a year.
Poor bastard. No wonder he had a massive heart attack, so massive in fact that seven weeks later he's shoveling shit and doing press tours for his upcoming movie. You gotta make a living, I suppose.
"We found a great rhythm," Matthew tells OK! about the delivery of baby Levi. "Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music."
Glamourize (Verb) to glorify or romanticize; to make glamourous.
In an effort to continue looking like a respectable magazine (ha!) while also dabbling in issue-selling celebrity gossip, It looks like Newsweek has decided it have its cake and choke on it, too. Instead of discussing the Jamie Lynn Spears' story directly, this week they decided to interview the editor of OK! Magazine about Jamie Lynn Spears, after the recent OK! cover they reportededly paid $1 million to get. In the interview, OK!'s editor even suggests that publishing a photo of a 17-year-old girl with a baby and the pull quote, "Being a mom is the best feeling in the world," didn't glamourize teen pregnancy.
No, no: Not at all. I mean: Getting $1 million to appear on a magazine cover with your baby and not even have to get married? And, no doubt, have your parents and paid employees take care of your baby while you go out and try to make another one? No, no, that's not glamourous at all.
Here's an idea, OK! Magazine: In order to balance the damage you've done here, why not run the story about a Pittsburgh woman, so obsessed with having her own baby, that she sliced open a teenagers belly and took one. The girl's "decomposing body, with her wrists and ankles bound by duct tape and layers of tape and plastic covering much of her head, was found Friday" in an apartment. How's that for glamourization?
I'm just saying.
At the time, the stand-up comic was "in a very physically abusive relationship," she said. "I was sleeping with a lot of guys and had more abortions than I would like to count."
She said her self-esteem became so low, "I felt if someone killed me, it wouldn't even make a difference." But after converting to Christianity, she said, "God showed me that it would make a difference." (Source)
A VH1 insider said: “Playboy has asked her to consider doing the cover, or at least a photo shoot. “Every year the magazine features the girls of the WWE, but this would be Hulk Hogan’s daughter - it would be the ultimate!” (Source)
“My brother was an airborne ranger in Afghanistan and Iraq,” the Hills star tells Extra in a new interview. “It’s very important to me and important to Spencer to support the troops and go over there.” (Source)
The songs are not topical," Folds says. "I was not interested in making a record about the D-word. I got all that stuff out of my system on the last record [2005's pensive Songs for Silverman], which was deliberately stoic. This new album is really about me being free, which is why it feels cathartic and expressive. It's about me coming back to being myself." (Hence the title.) "I came out of the courthouse, kissed the ground, and walked straight into the studio. I felt like a bottle of champagne that had been shaken for 18 months and popped open in the studio. That's why this record has so much energy." (Source)I'm stoked as hell to get another high-energy, goofy piano pop album from Ben Folds, and the image that that quote conjures up -- Steve Martin doing his freedom dance in L.A. Story after he found out his girlfriend was sleeping with his agent -- is priceless. But this much specificity about his love life is unusual for Ben, and that -- along with the impression he gives of his ex-wife Frally, suggests to me that she got more than half, she got the fucking piano.
"The breakdown of a marriage is a very difficult and painful experience especially when children are involved," Getty wrote. "In light of the fact that many pictures have surfaced in print and on the Internet which has caused myself and my family great embarrassment, I felt it necessary to at least acknowledge publicly that yes indeed my wife and I have separated and I will not be commenting any further." (Source)
was to be questioned by police over allegations he assaulted his mother and sister the night before the European premiere of his film, The Dark Knight, British media reported Tuesday.
His mother and sister reportedly complained that the 34-year-old actor assaulted them at a west London hotel on Sunday.
Britain's Press Association said they made the allegation at a police station in south England on Monday and that the allegation was passed on to Scotland Yard in London. It said questioning was expected Tuesday. (Source)
Oh, please please please don't let this be true. Oh please oh please oh please! This guy is way too cool to be that guy. And if it is true, if it has to be true, at least let it be because of some sort of method acting mishap. That his Dark Knight personae inadvertently slipped into his real life, somehow.
Oh, jeez. This is not good. It's really not good.
Update: He's been arrested and he's in custody.
One concertgoer told the local paper: "I'll have to drink a lot of beer to sit through her concert." Added another: "She's an embarrassment to country music." (Source)
Lohan and design partner Kristi Kaylor's 6126 collection (an homage to Marilyn Monroe's birthday) features four styles of cilngy legwear, including one with built-in kneepads—cheekily called Mr. President—in case your next '80s night turns especially raucous. (Source)
Nick, 27, is said to be sick and tired of his 38-year-old wife’s diva demands. ‘Things are really bad between them,’ one insider says. ‘The honeymoon period was over before it began. 'Nick’s been surprised at just how demanding his wife is. He moans that she has him waiting on her hand and foot. He’s realised that he doesn’t really like her very much.’
The couple wed on 30 April after dating for just 5 weeks, but even Nick’s friends predicted the marriage wouldn’t last 6 months. 'She treats him like an assistant,' a friend of Mariah's says. 'Not like an equal or her husband.' (Source)
Well, it is nice to see that Nick has joined the rest of the world in realizing that he doesn't like Mariah very much. But if he's wishing for a divorce, he can wish in one hand and shit in the other, and see which one fills first. Not only would divorce be career suicide for Nick -- whose resume essentially includes Drumline, Roll Bounce, Married Mariah Carey -- but that crazy lady ain't gonna leave him out of her sight long enough to allow him to find a lawyer and file for divorce. "Til Death Do You Part" doesn't mean three fucking months -- it means until you die of exhaustion, after you've rubbed the corns off her feet, taken out the trash, mowed the lawn, gone down on your woman, and built a motherfucking birdhouse for her soul.
Take the easy way out, son. Next time she asks you if she looks fat in a dress, just nod your head yes and pick up your head somewhere in the middle of next week.
News that Doherty has joined the new 90210 cast, “is amazing,” says Spelling, who also plans on appearing on the CW spin-off. “That’s probably the best news the fans could ever get,” she told PEOPLE at Saturday’s Much Love Animal Rescue’s Bow Wow Wow event.
"I haven't confirmed that at all, no," Garber said tonight at an ABC event. "I know they want to have another child and hopefully that's true, but I don't know that."
"No, I know that they are hoping to be," the Eli Stone star added. "I just don't know that it's for sure. It's a very...personal thing." (Source)
Here's my question -- and pardon me if I'm trampling on your goddamn need for celebrity minutia -- but who the fuck cares what Victor Garber has to say about the contents of Jennifer Garner's womb? What the fuck does he know? He played her Dad on a television show. One that ended it's run a couple of years ago. I hate to burst your fucking bubble, people -- but he's not her real father.
But more than that, who the fuck cares if she's pregnant? You know, there's a tradition in which you wait three months before you announce your pregnancy -- you don't even tell your close friends and family, just in case something goes wrong and then you have to live with miscarraige sympathy (see, Lily Allen). Nobody wants to go through that, especially someone who is already in the public eye every goddamn day of their lives.
Reese believes in wide-open communication, and she discussed at length with him what is best for her household,’ says a source.
‘Some of the things she insists on are run-of-the-mill. He has to take off his shoes when he's in the house, trash must be taken out when the can is three-quarters full, and no feet on the coffee table.’
But Jake, 27, is said to be happy with the rules because he loves Reese, 32, so much.
‘Jake used to swear like a sailor, but not anymore,’ the source tells Star magazine. ‘If he does, he has to apologise.
'Jake would much rather stay at home, make popcorn and watch a movie than step foot in a club.(Source)
So, by "wide-open communication," I suppose what's meant is: Reese talks and that little bitch listens. I wonder if she keeps his testicles in a jar or in a locked drawer? And if she's gonna be all Tracey Flick in the home, I hope to God for Jake's sake that she's Tracey Flick in the bed, too, cause those Type A, controlling types are fuh-reaks in the bed.
I think he’s funny, but more than that, he’s very smart. He’s scary smart. And that’s why this is occurring -- because he’s extremely intelligent ... Sometimes people forget that when they talk about the panache -- that sometimes really distracts, intentionally, and masks you from the mastermind. But there is a huge mastermind that lives in Perez. And some people would find that very calculating, but then anybody that’s really good with concepts has to know that the concept is airtight. And if you have a good concept, you’ll inspire hate as well as ecstasy. Because if it’s just OK, nobody gets hard. It’s just one of those things -- it can occur while you’re at the dentist -- it doesn’t matter. But if it pushes those buttons in some way, then you have to know it’s a fucking great concept but it might not be what the public wants all the time. That doesn’t mean they’re right. When it comes to art, the public isn’t always right. The public likes what they like for all kinds of reasons. And sometimes it’s, “It’s just because I want it this way!” But that doesn’t mean it’s the most exciting choice.The one saving grace from Tori's comments about Perez, however, is that she makes no goddamn sense. She just kind of rambles and rambles, and if you were the unfortunate soul who had to conduct the interview, I suspect about halfway through one of her idiosyncratic soliloquies, you'd be half asleep, drool collecting around your chin. The woman is a mess -- a long-winded, tedious mess.
I got nothing against the bald and ripped look, Joey Lawrence, but I draw the line at the blouse. (BWE)
The 17th entry in Pajiba's 20 Best Seasons of the Last 20 Years. (Pajiba)
Here's a word that stumps even us at WIMB: Kwashiorkor. Seems to have something to do with pregnancy bloat. (Yeeeah)
Gwyneth, once again, proves that, though she may at times be insufferable, she looks ravishing, even without makeup. (Celebitchy)
Will somebody tell me who the fuck Katy Perry is and why she keeps polluting the gossip blogs? (Celebrity Smack)
Here's a crotch shot you could probably do without. (The Blemish)
Jennifer Lopez goes through nannies like Murphy Brown goes through secretaries. (Poptard)
What do Anton Chigurh and Eva Longoria have in common? Their hairstyles, of course. (Ayyyy!)
Spiked Mace (Noun) A heavy spiked metal club used for breaking heads, a suitable substitute for the pepper spray.
Michael Ian Black, known to the cool as one of the original members of "The State," the less cool as a cast member of "Ed," and the hopelessly out of touch only as that commentator on the VH1 flashback shows, has officially challenged Tucker Max -- drunken mysogynist and a man certified by the Vaginal Cleansing Society (VCS) as the Douchiest of all Douchebags -- to a brawl.
So Tucker Max, you drunk, misogynistic motherfucker -- I am officially calling you OUT! I am going to fist fuck every hole in your boozy little body until you crawl away like the sniveling little bitch that you are. YOU'RE DEAD!
Tucker Max, in turn, has not only accepted that challenge, but is putting up his next royalty check (around $150,000, he says) as a guarantee that he wins the fight.
I'll even promise to show up drunk as shit. I'll drink an unreasonable amount of alcohol before we fight--20 beers, 30 beers, whatever it takes to me plastered. And if you don't think I'm drunk enough, I'll keep drinking. As long as I am conscious and able to stand on my feet, I'll fight you.
Michael Ian Black, meanwhile, has agreed to put up his New Kids on the Block doll collection (worth about $1.50, he says), if he loses. Black is currently mulling the time and place:
He asks me to pick the time and place. I will have to work on that, but rest assured it will be soon and it will be well-publicized and it will be sponsored and there will be some hot ring girls and probably a motorcycle jump before the fight. Also, I am hoping to enter the ring via helicopter. And I’m going to get a special robe with my name bedazzled on it. And you know how UFC has the Octagon? Well our ring is going to be shaped like the Star of Fucking David. Because that’s how we Jews roll.
Personally, I'm taking the underdog in this one, mostly just because I can't stand Tucker Max -- if he were to catch fire while I was walking by, I wouldn't wipe my ass with his shirt. That said, I'd kind of like to see the furor of Michael Ian Black fans unleashed on Tucker Max should he actually put off the victory -- he might finally get his due: Being anally raped with a spiked mace.
Cylon (Noun) A bio-mechanical race of workers developed in a distant part of the galaxy by humans not of terrestrial origin. Forced to work as slaves, the Cylons eventually turned on their creators and nearly destroyed them before a cease fire was called. The Cylons continued to evolve, and the latest versions are nearly identical to humans and may be able to mate and reproduce with them. Still angry about their past treatment, the Cylons have once again set out to destroy all humans everywhere.
White-Boy Day (Holiday) In True Romance, the wannabe-black pimp Drexl's (played by Gary Oldman) idea of a holiday where crazy white men can assualt pimps in their place of buisness and get away with it.
What's not to love about Gary Oldman? Here's a man who can play some of the bad-assiest characters in the history of cinema, and still show up to a movie premiere looking like your crazy picked-on 9th grade science teacher whose students ironically call "coach." And you know what? The dude still scares the piss out of me. This is a guy you won't want to be standing next to at a urinal -- he'll punch a hole through your neck and then piss through it for shits and giggles.
"Now I know I'm pretty, but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties."
Silverman's publicist, Amy Zvi, confirmed the breakup in an e-mail message to the AP. Zvi didn't immediately respond when asked for further details. (Source)Though many are speculating that their respective sexual relationships with Matt Damon (Sarah) and Ben Affleck (Jimmy) may have been behind the break-up, in reality, the reason for the split was far less complicated: Sarah Silverman is hot and funny, while Jimmy Kimmel is fat. Sarah Silverman was on the cover of Maxim, while Jimmy Kimmel was on the cover of Slovenly Lardass. Sarah had just gotten tired of Jimmy stealing the last fucking fry and dumped his sorry ass.
PETA president Ingrid Newkirk, who's tangled with Stone over her wearing fur, told Page Six: "She chose to make a tiny insect an amputee. Perhaps she should change her name legally to 'Heart of Stone.'
Friends of Richie told Page Six recently, "Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
"It's not good there," a source tells me of the Grey's Anatomy set. "Shonda is pissed. They're thinking of killing her off. They want Izzie dead." (Source)Just like that, huh? I wish real life were more like bad medical dramas featuring mostly unpleasant-to-look at people masquerading at sex objects. That way, if I got upset with someone, I'd just write them out of my life forever. Crazy racist postman who tells me the exact same stories every time I see him: A piano just fell on your head. Your dead, asshole. Grammar Nazi dying to tell me that I should've used "you're" and not "your" in the previous sentence? How's that Strunk and White I just permanently wrote into your asshole feel, Plinko? Oh, and Dunkin Donuts lady who keeps giving me liquid sugar no matter how many fucking times I ask for granulated? How'd you like the taste of monster-truck bumper, corpse face?
On Sunday, Mayor Christian Estrosi of Nice, France, presented one of the birth certificates of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's twins on the steps of Nice's Fondation Lenval hospital, where son Knox Leon and daughter Vivienne Marcheline were born Saturday.
In welcoming the twins, Estrosi told reporters, "On behalf of the inhabitants of Nice, I congratulate the happy parents, the most famous couple of the world who have chosen our city for this happy event." (Source)
...it looks like the blonde brit has gone and announced their couple-dom in that most modern of ways — on Facebook! According to friends of the DJ, who has been spotted smooching and embracing the 22-year-old actress several times in recent months, has updated her lovelife status on the online social networking site from "single" to "in a relationship."
And, as if to put any doubts to rest about who the other half of that relationship might be, Sam's profile pic features her and Lindsay together at Disneyland. (Source)
"He's in there with hardened criminals...Nick got into an accident," Brooke Hogan explains. "These people have actually deliberately committed a crime."
Brooke Hogan mentions how different things are since the car accident involving Graziano, who was like a brother to her. Brooke, while she didn't know the Graziano family very well, says, "I can't believe what materialistic things can do to people's mindset."
Blair says, "I guess I courted it (being stereotyped) somehow... I've taken pretty odd roles. I really wanted to be the pretty girl - glamorous, sweet, pretty, sexy everything I'm not seen as." (Source)
“When I was in an unhappy place in my life,” Carey says of her past, “I always wanted to be kidnapped. I just wanted a way out, but I didn't have one.” Ten years after her split with Mottola, handsome young prince Nick Cannon has come to the rescue.
“He sort of kidnapped me and took me on a helicopter ride. Then he re-proposed.” Cannon's first proposal had taken place on Carey's roof in Manhattan a couple of evenings prior and involved the hiding of a 17-carat diamond ring inside a candy ring pop. “They've been calling me Cinderella since I first started out, so, of course, being Cinderella ” she says, laughing. “Most people would think, Okay, please! This doesn't happen in real life.”
The cheeky irreverence that’s become Folds’ trademark is still on full display in tunes like “Bitch Went Nuts,” which tells the fictional story of a relationship that went south after the narrator’s lover goes psycho and stabs his basketball. According to Folds, the song is a comment on the male perspective. “If you ask loads of women what went wrong in a relationship, they’re going to give you a variety of answers. But you ask men, especially at a bar somewhere, and they’re gonna go, ‘Uh, bitch went nuts!’”Folds is currently on tour in the United Kingdom.
"Madonna always reinvents herself, and that's what I want to do. Whatever comes my way that sounds good, that's what I want to do." (Source)
"I wanted to be sure, first of all, that I had her blessing. And I was assured that I did. I'm a big fan of hers, I think she was really great in the first movie. And yet I felt like it wouldn't have done anyone any good if I tried to imitate her. Really what I decided was that it had to be a whole new woman. If I'm going to do what I do well, I have to be free to do it."Sheesh. Talk about blowing smoke up someone's ass. To what end, I don't know. It's like Shinola getting shit's blessing before removing the smelly scuffs from your loafers. But Maggie was right about one thing: It wouldn't have done any goddamn good to try to imitate Katie, unless she thought wooden, expressionless acting that nearly ruins an otherwise flawless film was good for the role. Fortunately, unless Maggie knocks back a half bottle of Prozac and bathes in Botox, she could never be as stiff and inexpressive as Holmes was in Batman Begins.
Another source said the name is her last jab at Scientology. “Nicole is a Catholic, and Sunday was an important religious day for her until she was involved in Scientology,” said the source. “She’s still bitter about her experience with Scientology and the fact her baby’s name could be perceived as one last jab doesn’t exactly upset her.” (Source)
One friend said: “Amy can’t do anything by halves. Recently she has been going for it on the sunbed, but she won’t be told. The pal added: “Over the years Amy has been addicted to alcohol, all sorts of drugs, men and even knitting. “This is another addiction that puts her health in danger.
A drunk, a whore, and a crazy bitch walk into a bar ...
Paris Hilton is hoping to team up with fellow tabloid targets Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan for a new reality show about their lives in the spotlight.
The socialite wants to produce the two-hour special, which she hopes will include candid revelations from the stars, reports the Chicago Sun-Times newspaper. (Source)
The name of the show hasn't been revealed yet, but the working title is "Chlamydiagonorphilis." Naturally, Ryan Seacrest is set to produce.
"Alex, God bless him, is lost," A-Rod's ex-pal lamented. "I think he got pulled in by the dark side, if you can say that nicely. He's totally brainwashed."
"She believes it's what ruined her marriage," Romero added.
And even when A-Rod wasn't with Madonna, she was there in spirit, according to Romero. "He'd be in the gym and if a Madonna video would come on, he'd go into a trance," Romero said. And when A-Rod is driving in his car, he'll only listen to Madonna music, the trainer said.
An epidemic of organ failures devastates the planet. Panic erupts and scientists feverishly make plans for a massive organ harvest. Out of the tragedy, GeneCo, a multi-billion dollar biotech company, emerges. GeneCo provides organ transplantation for a profit. In addition to financing options, GeneCo reserves the right to implement default remedies, including repossession. For those who can't keep up with their organ payments, collection is the responsibility of "organ repo men", skilled assassins contracted by GeneCo, ordered to recover GeneCo's property by any means necessary.
Sources claim the pretty brunette, 22, sent business associates correspondence last week alerting them to the sad news. An insider says, "Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realizes she's too young to marry him." (Source)
Cynthia Rodriguez, 34, has been in Paris for at least the past four days visiting Grammy-winner Kravitz. C-Rod was seen outside the 44-year-old Kravitz's pad in the romantic City of Light as recently as Tuesday night.
Meanwhile, A-Rod has been in New York with the Bronx Bombers, reading headlines about his numerous visits to Madonna's Upper West Side apartment. (Source)
"I don't think it's a natural instinct for human beings," she tells the magazine. She adds, "Monogamy can be hard work for some people. I don't think it applies to everybody, and I don't think a lot of people can do it."
"I believe in finding a soul mate. I've always been in monogamous relationships. I would never want to be in an open one. It'd be too awful." (Source)
Alleged illegitimate Lohan sister Ashley Kaufmann, is reportedly trying to follow in the footsteps of her possible half-sisters Lindsay and Ali by approaching studios about cutting a record deal. A record-industry insider says, “Ashley has more talent than Lindsay or Ali.” (Source)
"I apologize for getting caught up in trash talking, but she brought up an emotional subject when she mentioned the soccer stuff," Pratt tells Us. "I know Dave was just doing his job in asking her," he went on. "He's the best in the game at that." (Source)
A source tells Us Weekly that Madonna has been hosting late-night visits from the $28-million-a-year Rodriguez at her spacious home and he would sneak out "as late as midnight."
Rodriguez also attended Madonna's concert at Roseland in NYC on April 30 - just nine days after his wife-of-six-years Cynthia gave birth to daughter Ella in Miami on April 21. "He was very chummy with her after her Roseland concert." (Source)
He tells Out magazine he first smooched a guy when he was 16 or 17, probably on a dare. He experimented again around 18 and 19, he says. His last same-sex make out? “A long time ago,” Wentz, 29, says. “Probably when I was 22?”
“When I said that I make out with dudes, there was a slight sense of sexual rebellion in that,” he tells Out. “And I probably even made it a bigger deal than it was.” (Source)
She explains, "He is going to get one of me but he won't let me get one. He doesn't like tattoos on women. He thinks I look pure." (Source)