Cockmonch Defined
(Via the Urban Dictionary) Male: A stupid asshole who never knows what he's talking about but brings other people down to make himself feel better about himself.

Not sure if you've heard, but Bill O's latest dust-up comes with his outrage - outrage I says! -- at the new movie Redacted, produced by Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. Redacted is a fictionalization of true story rape and murder of an Iraqi teen by U.S. soldiers, directed by Brian De Palma. And Papa Bear says that the flick will drum up lots of anti-American hatred and thus it is an anti-American film -- America haters!!! -- so he plans to protest it in support of the troops.

Anyway, Cuban and O'Reilly have been going back and forth, and Cuban has now said he'd like to have a legit debate with Papa Bear, moderated by Keith Olbermann. Of course this will never happen, but a girl can dream, right? Cause I would pay good hard cash to watch Cuban take it to the king of cockmonches.

Tits in a Wringer Defined
(From the Urban Dictionary) This phrase refers to someone who is rather bent out of shape about something.

You may have heard that alleged steroid user Barry Bonds broke the all time homerun record this year. The ball which broke that record, the one Bonds slugged for his 756th homerun, was bought in an auction by fashion designer Marc Ecko. Ecko then setup a website to allow fans to decide one of three options for what should be done with the ball: (a) it could go to the baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown; (b) it could be launched into space; or (c) it could be branded with an asterisk (to indicate the suspicion many have about Bonds' alleged steroid use) and then it could be given to the Hall of Fame. Option C won in a landslide, and Cooperstown agreed to take the ball once branded, though it stated that it would rather have the ball unmarred.

Unsurprisingly, Bonds has his tits in a wringer over all of this. He previously said that he though Ecko was "an idiot," but now he's upped the ante on this whole thing, as reported by Sports Illustrated:

"I will never be in the Hall of Fame. Never," Bonds said. "Barry Bonds will not be there.

"That's my emotions now. That's how I feel now. When I decide to retire five years from now, we'll see where they are at that moment," he added. "We'll see where they are at that time, and maybe I'll reconsider. But it's their position and where their position will be will be the determination of what my decision will be at that time."

First of all, "when I decide to retire five years from now?" This is coming from a man who currently has no baseball home, as his San Francisco Giants won't be bringing him back. So, you know, awfully presumptuous that teams will keep him around for five more years (while he can still hit the ball, he has banana peels for knees at this point). Second of all - seriously, Barry, fuck off. Who the hell are you to decide that you and your (alleged) steroid-swollen head are above it all? If the Hall wants to accept the ball with the asterisk, and maybe use it as an opportunity to provide Hall viewers with information about the controversies of the steroid age, that's probably a good thing for baseball in the long term. But of course, you've never been one to care about the game of baseball if it interferes with the game of Barry Bonds, right?

Also, I wonder if Bonds' tits broke the wringer, what with them (allegedly) growing to massive proportions because of all the (alleged) steroids Bonds has (allegedly) drowned himself in over the years.