Wah: (Exclamation) A crying noise like a stupid, blubbery baby makes.

Billy Bob Thornton's band, The Boxbasters, canceled the Canadian leg of their tour Friday night after they got booed mercilessly following Billy Bob acting like a total jackass on Canada's "Q-TV." Apparently Canadians don't care much for being called "mashed potatoes without the gravy" or having their beloved television personalities lambasted by pompous, spoiled celebrity jackasses.

The band was Willie Nelson's opening act. A note posted on Nelson's Web site Friday night said the Boxmasters were cutting their Canadian dates "due to one band member and several of the crew having the flu."

On their own Web site, they said they planned to rejoin the tour on April 14 in Stamford, Conn., "after they've had time to recover." (Source)

What a shame. I had no idea that eating an ungodly amount of crow could actually make a person physically ill. I hope it's nothing serious, or that he hasn't just come down with a bout of Pathetic Old Man Soul Patch Fever. I hear that can be nasty.

More of the Blastmasters playing the Country Music Hall of Fame last fall:

Well-Done: (Exclamation) Used to express congratulation or approval.

Seth Rogen and Anna Faris attended the premiere of Observe and Report last night. Rogen showed up to the event looking uncharacteristically dapper and Faris looked like she was wearing something she picked up at Frederick's of Hollywood. Does that store even still exist these days? Maybe she got it back in 1992, because as a young girl she dreamed of one day walking a red carpet looking like a "fancy hooker." Hey, it's more or less the same reason I shop at American Apparel these days. Someday, I too, hope to have my moment in the sun!

Wish Fulfilment: (Noun) The satisfying of unconscious desires in dreams or fantasies.

Oh. My. God. Robert Downey Jr. hosted a sneak peek of his upcoming Sherlock Holmes at the ShoWest convention yesterday, and ... Well ... Apparently, there's a scene where he gets chained to a bed. Naked.

Theater owners attending their annual ShoWest convention got to see Downey's Holmes in a bruising boxing match, diving from a tall building into London's Thames River and trading barbs with roommate Dr. Watson (Jude Law), who complains about the detective's slovenliness and nocturnal violin playing.

"Holmes, does your depravity know no bounds?" Watson asks the detective. In one scene, the unclothed Holmes finds himself cuffed by both hands to a bed. (Source)

It should be noted, Sherlock Holmes is set to open Christmas Day. So if you think I'm not going to spend the next eight months completely exhausting "All I want for Christmas is Robert Downey Jr. Chained to a Bed Naked" jokes, well, think fucking again. Oh, please Santa! But I've been so good this year!

More at ShoWest: (Naked!!!!)

Wretch: (Noun) A despicable or contemptible person.

You don't hear too much about ol' Avril Lavigne these days, who has always had a reputation for being an insufferable twat. So you'll be relieved to know that just because she's more or less out of the spotlight these days, it doesn't mean she's not still an insufferable twat. Case in point, last weekend she got "bombed" in an L.A. bar before picking a fight with her husband and acting like a total snot.

“She kept downing vodka drinks, to the point where she was obliterated. She ended up fighting with her husband (Deryck Whibley of Sum 41 fame) before ignoring him completely.”

While Whibley sat alone on the couch glumly, “­Avril talked to everyone else. When he was ready to leave, she downed two more shots of vodka before walking out the door. What a child!” (Source)

God, I hate Avril Lavigne. I think she is honestly the only person I can think of, who can basically be married to, like, Gollum, (see above) and I still can say: "He is way, way too good for her." But you know, I don't now who wouldn't be too good for Avril Lavigne. Maybe like the male version of Helen Keller so he can't see her stupid pink hair and skull-n-crossbone-laden outfits or hear her retarded mouth and retarded music. Or maybe just a man that's completely made of shit. Like a giant, anthropomorphised turd. Didn't X-Men have one of those?

More of Punky Loser getting wasted (again) in London last week:

White Wedding: (Noun) A traditional formal or semi-formal Western wedding, referring to the white color of the wedding dress, which became popular in the Victorian era.

I missed most of the Oscars last night because I was away for the weekend, and oh yeah, also because I effing hate the Oscars. But as I flip through the photos this morning I notice that many of the dresses had something in common. I wonder if it's somebody's official job to send out a memo to the attendees that say, "Pssst. We're all wearing dresses that look like wedding gowns this year." You'd think at least Sarah Jessica Parker would be tired of this noise after the stupid Sex and the City movie last year. Guess not. Oh, and true story: Last night I had to stop at my parents' house to pick up my dog and my mom informed me that Sarah Jessica looked like "a fairy princess." OK, I can kind of see that. Except Sarah Jessica Parker is old, so she's kind of like whatever the opposite of what a "princess" is. A fairy hag, maybe? Yep, that works.

Hop on inside for more dresses and dresses and dresses!

Wholesome: (Adjective) Conducive to or promoting moral well-being.

In light of him beating the holy hell out of poor Rihanna, Chris Brown is not surprisingly being dropped from all of his product endorsements, including the "Got Milk?" campaign.

"The Milk Mustache campaign is taking the allegations against Chris Brown very seriously," a company rep tells Usmagazine.com. "We are very proud and protective of the image of the Milk Mustache campaign and the responsible message it sends to teens. Mr. Brown's ad was launched last fall and is scheduled to end this week." (Source)

Well, on the upside, in the future, if Olde English 800 ever decides to launch a "Got Foam?" campaign; I bet that they'll be just a little bit less discriminating when it comes to celebrity endorsements. It's just like they say, when one door closes, another opens. Kind of like the door to a Hummer limousine closing and the door to a jail cell opening. I guess those doors are less metaphorical, though.

Worst: (Adjective) Of the poorest quality or the lowest standard.

I've been saying for ages now that The Jonas Brothers are the worst band ever, and now somebody finally agrees with me. I mean, I'm sure a lot of people agree with me but now it's officially official.

The Jonas Brothers, Fall Out Boy and Tokio Hotel have been nominated for Worst Band by the British NME Awards. Meanwhile, British rockers Oasis are the toast of the British music scene after landing seven nominations. (Source)

Not that I don't support their nomination wholeheartedly, (I really, really do) but I hope the NME Awards nominations committee knows full well what they've gotten themselves into. I've received death threats just for making fun of The Jonas Brothers' hair. God knows what kind of world of trouble this could buy someone. It wouldn't be a bad time to invest in a Pope Mobile, is all I'm saying, because getting torn apart by a angry mob of 13-year-old girls sounds worse than simultaneously being set on fire and drowning.

Witticism: (Noun) A witty remark.

Katy Perry is such a joke. Oh, I mean Katy Perry told a joke. Sorry, knee-jerk reaction there. Yeah, so remember her celibacy vow? Pure humor. For some strange reason nobody got it.

"I am not going to be celibate," Perry, 24, said with a laugh during a conference call with reporters on Thursday. "That was a joke, and any fine journalist would have got that."

"Please," she now says, "celibacy for the whole year? I'd rather die." (Source)

So I take it that means we shouldn't get our hopes up on that vow of silence, either? But anyway, being that I'm one of those "journalists" (shut up) who reported on that story, I do believe that Katy Perry has just insulted my integrity. That's fine Katy, insult my integrity all you want; but last time I checked you're the one who had a conference call over what goes in and out of your vagina. Check and mate.

More of Kitty Purry's hilarious brand of hilarious humor:

Warefare: (Noun) Engagement in or the activities involved in war or conflict.

Because there's nothing I love more than being right: I so called this. Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson really did hate each other's pretentious, criminal-dating, shark-mouthed and pedestrian, ditzy, her-kid-doesn't-know-who-to-call-daddy guts.

A production staffer who worked on the film claims the nastiness in many of the actresses' fight scenes ''didn't require all that much acting. ... They really didn't get along all that well.''

The set source, however, did say, ''I think these are two such different women. Anne is more of an intellectual and Kate comes off as something of a dizzy lightweight. ... It's hard to believe those two would have anything in common,'' also claiming she overheard both women making catty comments about the other. (Source)

Of course, I didn't need any of this to tell me that they hate each other, it was obvious enough by their body language at the premiere. When, say, Scarlett Johansson for example, attends a Hollywood premiere with a female co-star -- it usually looks like she's using every ounce of her willpower not to start making out with said female co-star. These two on the other hand, look so uncomfortable next to each other you'd think they were standing next to a bomb-wielding terrorist or Gilbert Godfrey or something.

More of Anne Hathaway outclassing Kate Hudson at the Golden Globes:

Work Ethic: (Noun) The principle that hard work is intrinsically virtuous or worthy of reward.

The new MTV "Hills" spin-off, "The City," which follows Whitney Port as she "works" for Diane von Furstenberg premieres tonight; (you know Heidi and Spencer have got to be shitting themselves with jealousy) and if you're wondering how it is for other von Furstenberg employees having the show there, the answer is "totally fun!" Oh, kidding... It's predictably a nightmare.

"She doesn't really work. She is hardly ever in the office." Those who do work for von Furstenberg, however, are in the office daily and "can't get their work done because MTV tells them they can't move any thing at their work stations. They do so many reshoots that everything has to look exactly the same every day." (Source)

That sounds really, really inspiring; to have worked incredibly hard to break into the fashion industry only to come second to a hotshot virtuoso who is so good at what she does that she doesn't have to actually do any work, show any credentials, or even be present in general to be super awesome at her job. So when I say that sounds "really inspiring," what I mean is that I hope Whitney gets used to the taste of urine in her coffee. Because, yep: There's gonna be some urine.

More of Whitney and Co. at "The Hills" wrap party for season whatever:

White Trash: (Noun) Poor and/or ignorant, stupid white people, esp. from the south.

"The Hills" superstar Audrina Patridge stopped by her local Ralph's supermarket recently to stock up on some refreshing Bud Light Lime, the beer of choice for slutty college girls who can't afford Corona. And by "stock up" I mean buy out the entire inventory like somebody told her it was being discontinued. Ugh, I tried that shit once and it was nas-ty. It just goes to show you, money still can't buy you things like class or taste or decorum; but it can buy you enough shitty beer to fill up the Grand Canyon. Oh, and giant fake knockers. It can also buy you that.

Photo credit: Amy Graves

Wasteful: (Adjective) Of a person, action, or process using or expending something of value carelessly, extravagantly, or to no purpose.

Lindsay Lohan was attacked by some idiotic French PETA member this weekend, who threw a bag of flour on her as she stepped out of a Paris nightclub on Saturday.

"There is nothing remotely 'fashionable' about the torture and death of animals killed for fur," animal rights group PETA's Robbie LeBlanc told Usmagazine.com in a statement following the incident. "Lindsay Lohan might be able to ignore images of bloody animals skinned alive for their pelts, but we hope a dash of flour will help her rise to the occasion and forsake fur once and for all." (Source)

Oh, OK. That's bad then, to torture animals. But apparently, PETA has better things to do than worry about the countless wheat fields that have to be raped so they can have one whole bag of flour that they go and throw on the ground anyway. Hear that sound? That's a stalk of wheat crying.

More of Lindsay and Sam in Paris, pre-flouring:

Weird: (Adjective) Very strange; bizarre.

God, gross. If child stars actually have to age and grow up, why can't they be hidden away from society or put on their own secluded island? Kind of like lepers used to be. That would be great. Just a special island for child stars and people with their skin falling off.

Winner: (Noun) A person or thing that wins something.

After months of speculation and apparently because Verne Troyer was already taken, Holly Madison finally has gone public with her relationship with Douchellusionist Criss Angel.

"This is one of the most special evenings for me in my life and I can not think of a more beautiful person, a more special person, inside and out, than Holly to spend it with," Angel said on the opening night of his new Cirque Du Soleil show, "Believe," in Las Vegas.

When asked how he and Madison got together, he replied, "I got lucky. I didn't have a date and so she said, 'I'll come'. She makes me look good." (Source)

Whatever, Criss Angel is such a barfbag it doesn't take a Playboy bunny on his arm to make him look better, comparatively speaking. He'd probably achieve the same effect holding onto a bowl of chopped liver. No really, I saw "Barefoot Contessa" make that one time and it actually looked really good.

What: (Exclamation) Asking for information out of disbelief, surprise, or amusement.

What is this fuckery? Jenny McCarthy claims that she has "cured" her son of autism. I don't even want to touch this one.

The actress - who believes the MMR vaccine was to blame for her son's diagnosis - says a strict no wheat-and-dairy-free diet has changed her son from a quiet little boy who used to flail his arms around to a loving six-year-old.



"Before the vaccination, he was huggy, lovey, snuggly," she says in the newest issue of Us Weekly. "Then it was like someone came down and stole him."

"I made a deal with God," she explains. "I said, 'You fix my boy, you show me the way and I'll teach the world how I did it.'"

 (Source)

A former high school classmate who is a pediatrician friended me on facebook, and she has been known to occasionally update her status to the effect that Jenny McCarthy needs to shut her mouth and show her tits or whatnot. Then I have another friend who works with autistic kids who thinks Jenny McCarthy is some kind of savior. I, on the other hand, am a gossip blogger who has no informed opinion on the matter. But you know, I didn't think you could cure stupid -- otherwise how do you explain George Bush and "American Idol?" At this rate, maybe Jenny McCarthy should start focusing her attention elsewhere. For instance, my boyfriend has Type 1 Diabetes, and you know, they say it's totally incurable... But maybe he just needs more flax in his diet or some shit. Please, Dr. Ex-Playboy Model: get on it STAT!

Dr. Ex-Playboy Model at the ELLE Women in Hollywood Tribute last week: