What's in a song?

Ok I admit it. It was weird and awkward, but I thought the Soprano's spoof was funny -- honest to God. Bill Clinton with the carrot sticks? Come on! That's good stuff.

Now I'll also admit that I would have happily voted for Hillary Clinton. Maybe not necessary the best of the candidates, but I surely wouldn't have minded her as President. But let's be honest, from scratch she had -- at best -- a 25% chance of winning the primaries to begin with. And even if that were to happen, obviously she's pretty much the only candidate the Democrats could put forward that wouldn't be more or less guaranteed a fucking spot in the White House, the way things are going.

But the Celine Dion campaign song? (Insert sound of a phonograph needle being violently scraped across a record.) The FUCK?! In one decidedly Howard Dean-esque moment, Hillary Clinton probably just sent whatever remote chances she had of becoming the first woman president "triumphantly screaming" down the toilet.

This is kind of a fascinating exercise in political sociology. So Hillary Clinton listens to Celine Dion. She's a 60 year old woman! 60 year old women are drawn to Celine Dion like flies on dog shit. (Seriously, talk to my mom.) Bill can smoke a doob and W can pull a Lindsay Lohan. But if you scream like a girl or listen to crappy music? Well, don't even think about becoming the leader of the free world. Hmm...

Disillusionment Thursday!

First, Jessica Lynch Oh SNAP's (No she diiiin't!) Bush's War Lies. (In yo FACE!) Which okay... Didn't happen Thursday but I'm just watching it Thursday so it still gets to fall under Disillusionment Thursday.

And then! A much more ridiculous and shocking scandal of harrowing bravery under adversity: DID Curt Schilling paint his sock red in game 6 of the 2004 ALCS?

That's what Baltimore Orioles broadcaster Gary Thorne claims he heard. "It (the sock) was painted," Thorne said to analyst Jim Palmer during the broadcast. "It was painted. Doug Mirabelli confessed up to it after. It was all for PR (public relations).

"What? Are you kidding me? He's (bleeping) lying," Mirabelli said. "I never said that (to Thorne). I know it was blood. Everybody knows it was blood.""

Source.

Those are some pre-tty serious allegations to be shooting off, all willy nilly. I actually saw a Sox game in Baltimore once. The Boston fans outnumbered the Orioles fans by at least a 4:1 ratio. Hmm.... Jealousy much? Readers?

So he may have committed some light treason...

Who remembers John Walker Lindh? If you've forgotten, he was the post 9/11 antihero who was the ying to Jessica Lynch's yang. Or something like that. Well, at any rate, Walker is back in the news because they're moving him to the "Supermax" prison in Colorado. This confused me for a few reasons. Firstly, when I heard "Supermax" I naturally thought they were referring to some sort of feminine hygiene and/or menstruation products. But, no... Apparently the "Supermax" is the federal government's most secure prison, where they house supervillains like the unibomber and Magneto.

Is it just me or does this seem a bit extreme for a guy who looks like the wimpy little brother of Chris Robinson? You could probably "lock" him in some revolving doors with a wedge doorstop underneath and he'd be pretty safely detained for the next 15 years. It's not like the guy was a criminal mastermind; rather a stupid impressionable kid who made some poor choices. Sure, some of us dabble in pot and some of us join the Taliban. What's the diff? Cut the kid some slack, is all I'm saying.

NBC10: Still doesn't give a shit that there's a war going on in Iraq.

And that's how you write a headline. (I'm looking at you, Ruggles.)

Source.

Remembering 9/11...

Okay before you think the Salted One is going all sentimental on your ass, let me say first of all that this post falls under the "rants" category. I've broached this subject before in my old blog, so longtime readers won't be unfamiliar with the sentiment. Secondly, let me say that I have nothing but solemn respect for those who lost their lives 5 years ago.

Basically, I can sum it up in this. Last night Mister Litelysalted and I were watching TV and a commercial came on for a gold and silver 9/11 commemorative coin that had a relief of Twins Towers which raised up off the coin like a pop-up book, boasting that it was made from silver which was actually recovered from ground zero. It was the most gaudy and obscene thing I've ever seen in my life, and I said "You know, there's people out there that probably think 9/11 was like, the best thing ever ."

I typically don't use this blog as a political outlet, for the most part, even though I am one of the many Americans that are unwaveringly anti-Bush and have a total lack of faith in the current administration. That said, I believe the way Bush manipulated and exploited this tragedy was outrageous and vulgar. But what's worse is that I think it caused a ripple effect to the general public which is still very much visible 5 years later. By example of the President, it somehow became okay to exploit 9/11. No, not okay. Patriotic.

How else would it even be remotely acceptable to release not one but two major motion pictures about 9/11 just a scant few years after the attacks occurred? Did they start production on these films before the dust even settled? Or a dramatized miniseries on the anniversary, containing fictionalized scenes seemingly contrived for the purpose of political slander? Hell, I'm one of the few people who thought releasing a fictional love story about Pearl Harbor was crass!

It's fucking offensive, and more people should be pissed off. Regardless of whether or not we've been ingrained to think it's "unpatriotic" to feel that way. The exploitation upsets me as much as the tragedy itself. These people that died, they weren't martyrs. They were just your everyday average people, and I think it's about time that we, as a country, start showing them some respect by not fucking capitalizing off their deaths at every turn.

If you agree with what I'm saying at all, do yourself a favor and turn off the TV today. The news outlets must look forward to the 9/11 anniversary the way a kid waits for Christmas. You can pay your respects without the aide of a jacked up Fox News anchor and some flashy anniversary graphics.

Do you think I'm way off base? Maybe I am. Well if that's the case, than go find yourself a World Trade Center Touch Lamp and pick me up a 9/11 Remembrance Bear while you're at it.

Breaking weather news!

This just in! Hurricane Child Murderer has just been downgraded to Tropical Storm Pervert! In this meteorologist's opinion, it could possibly regain strength as a category 2 molester. This news may come as a shock to the public, but salt readers heard it here first. On the bright side, I was TOTALLY RIGHT! In your face mediawhores! (Fox News and CNN, I'm looking at you.) On the downside? Now we'll never know who did it! Boo!

Exclusive! Mark Karr's secret My Little Pony collection!*

Listen to me, you crazy ass bible belt parents. If seeing photos of this guy isn't enough of a reason not to dress your 6 year old child up like a prostitute, then I don't know what it takes.

I'm fascinated by true crime stories, and have been known to watch hours upon hours of shows like Forensic Files, Cold Case, Files, American Justice, etc. But I just can't keep up with the deranged insanity that is going on in the media right now. From what I've read, it kinda sounds like he's just some schizophrenic freak obsessed with the case, and maybe didn't actually so much kill the girl. That's not to be misconstrued as a green light to keep dressing children up like prostitutes either, because clearly you shouldn't do that anyway.

Don't get me wrong, if we could convict just for looking like a creepy mothereffer, (and why the hell shouldn't we?!) than this guy would go to the chair, only to be resuscitated and fried again. I mean, really. Look at this guy! He is some serious nightmare material. Stephen King wishes he could write a character like this. Maybe he didn't kill JonBenet, but looking like this he probably did something, right? But if it's all the same, I think I'd prefer to just wait until it's all over and have Bill Kurtis wrap it up for me neatly in a one hour package.

*I totally made this up. But give it, oh, 4ish hours and I guarantee you it will be front page news on MSNBC.