Risky: (Adjective) Full of the possibility of danger, failure, or loss.

In "The Best Thing That Has Happened To Jessica Simpson In As Long As I Can Remember" news, someone is taking a chance on Jessica Simpson! Well, sort of. For Sunday's Miss USA pageant, the contestants will be wearing none other than Jessica Simpson bikinis!

The singer-actress-designer's Jessica Simpson Collection snagged the coveted crown as the annual beauty pageant's swimwear sponsor this year, usurping Syrup Swimwear which provided teensy suits for the past two years.

Identical $104 white 'n' gold string bikinis were especially created for the contest, as well as the $88 bright green string bikinis modeled by the crown-chasers during a pre-pageant photo shoot in Las Vegas. (Source)

If these swimsuits are anything like Jessica Simpson, they will probably fall apart onstage, only this time send everyone else running away crying. And it will go down as the best Miss USA pageant in the history of all Miss USA pageants. (Editor's note: Boobies!!!)

More of Jessica on Easter with a hideous orange muumuu and freshly collagened lips:

Reunited: (Verb) come together or cause to come together again after a period of separation.

Nick Jonas had lunch with Miley Cyrus, whom he dated before he started pulling in Selena Gomez caliber tail, at the Village Idiot restaurant in West Hollywood this weekend. You can tell that he's really enjoying himself and almost definitely not contractually obligated to be there for an upcoming Disney project by how he walks like ten feet in front of her at all times and the way his neck veins seem to bulge out in her presence. See? This is just another way that working for like Disney is like making a deal with the devil. I can't imagine a purgatory worse than listening to Miley Cyrus tell her umpeenth story about the totally hilarious thing that her underwear model boyfriend did that time all the while she sizes you up like a dog in heat. Not a hell worse.

Rock Bottom: (Adjective) At the lowest possible level.

Jessica Simpson's camp has confirmed rumors that she is no longer with her country music label, but were quick to skirt around the fact that she might have been "dropped" from it, like we all don't know she totally was.

Earlier today, blogs were abuzz that Simpson was dropped from the label after her name was noticeably missing from both the Columbia Nashville and Sony Music Nashville websites.

But the singer's rep tells Us, "She was on loan to Sony Nashville for her country album." Simpson, who has released pop albums on the Epic label, "is and has always been an Epic artist," her rep adds. "She continues to be on Epic's label." (Source)

Sure, because I know Epic must be just clamoring to start a new project with their little cash cow.* This country music gig was pretty much Jessica Simpson's last ditch attempt for any kind of semblance of an actual entertainment career. Maybe she should try VH1's Celebreality. I think the only qualifications to get one of those shows are to technically be a "celebrity" and have no discerning marketable talent whatsoever. That couldn't describe Jessica Simpson more if I included "dumb as a bowl full of hair and silicone."

* Pun intended.

At the launch of her clothing line: (Well, at least she's got that)

Relevant: (Adjective) Closely connected or appropriate to the matter at hand.

Good news! It turns out Eminem isn't a big, giant fat man shut in after all, and he's come out of hiding with a brand new music video. The video, for the song called "We Made You," is pretty much nothing but an extended name drop featuring the likenesses of everyone from Jessica Simpson, Linsday Lohan and Kim Kardashian to Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer and Sarah Palin. You know, the same people I write about here everyday -- only devoid of any kind of humor, cleverness, or redeeming qualities whatsoever. Basically, it's like a four and a half minute one of those "movie" movies set to music. And who says Eminem hasn't still got it? Those movies make a killing at the box office. Number one on the billboard charts, here he come!

Mr. Pertinent Social Commentary himself at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Ceremony this weekend:

Reputation: (Noun) The beliefs or opinions that are generally held about someone.

What in the fuck is this fuckery? Tila Tequila and Billy Corgan inexplicably walked arm and arm down the red carpet for Bravo's 2nd annual A-List awards this weekend. Are they on a date or something? I may not be much of a Smashing Pumpkins fan, but I admit it even makes me a little bit sad to witness the final nail in the coffin of Billy Corgan's credibility as an artist. And as a human being. And as a person with an otherwise clean bill of venereal health.

For Tila on the other hand, this is a huge step up. Of course, she didn't need to go ruining the career of an alternative music icon for a huge step up. A freshly sanitized, androgynous blow-up doll probably would've done the trick just as well.