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Risky: (Adjective) Full of the possibility of danger, failure, or loss.In "The Best Thing That Has Happened To Jessica Simpson In As Long As I Can Remember" news, someone is taking a chance on Jessica Simpson! Well, sort of. For Sunday's Miss USA pageant, the contestants will be wearing none other than Jessica Simpson bikinis!
The singer-actress-designer's Jessica Simpson Collection snagged the coveted crown as the annual beauty pageant's swimwear sponsor this year, usurping Syrup Swimwear which provided teensy suits for the past two years.
Identical $104 white 'n' gold string bikinis were especially created for the contest, as well as the $88 bright green string bikinis modeled by the crown-chasers during a pre-pageant photo shoot in Las Vegas. (Source)
If these swimsuits are anything like Jessica Simpson, they will probably fall apart onstage, only this time send everyone else running away crying. And it will go down as the best Miss USA pageant in the history of all Miss USA pageants. (Editor's note: Boobies!!!)
More of Jessica on Easter with a hideous orange muumuu and freshly collagened lips:
Reunited: (Verb) come together or cause to come together again after a period of separation.Nick Jonas had lunch with Miley Cyrus, whom he dated before he started pulling in Selena Gomez caliber tail, at the Village Idiot restaurant in West Hollywood this weekend. You can tell that he's really enjoying himself and almost definitely not contractually obligated to be there for an upcoming Disney project by how he walks like ten feet in front of her at all times and the way his neck veins seem to bulge out in her presence. See? This is just another way that working for like Disney is like making a deal with the devil. I can't imagine a purgatory worse than listening to Miley Cyrus tell her umpeenth story about the totally hilarious thing that her underwear model boyfriend did that time all the while she sizes you up like a dog in heat. Not a hell worse.
Rock Bottom: (Adjective) At the lowest possible level.Jessica Simpson's camp has confirmed rumors that she is no longer with her country music label, but were quick to skirt around the fact that she might have been "dropped" from it, like we all don't know she totally was.
Earlier today, blogs were abuzz that Simpson was dropped from the label after her name was noticeably missing from both the Columbia Nashville and Sony Music Nashville websites.
But the singer's rep tells Us, "She was on loan to Sony Nashville for her country album." Simpson, who has released pop albums on the Epic label, "is and has always been an Epic artist," her rep adds. "She continues to be on Epic's label." (Source)
Sure, because I know Epic must be just clamoring to start a new project with their little cash cow.* This country music gig was pretty much Jessica Simpson's last ditch attempt for any kind of semblance of an actual entertainment career. Maybe she should try VH1's Celebreality. I think the only qualifications to get one of those shows are to technically be a "celebrity" and have no discerning marketable talent whatsoever. That couldn't describe Jessica Simpson more if I included "dumb as a bowl full of hair and silicone."
* Pun intended.
At the launch of her clothing line: (Well, at least she's got that)
Reputation: (Noun) The beliefs or opinions that are generally held about someone.What in the fuck is this fuckery? Tila Tequila and Billy Corgan inexplicably walked arm and arm down the red carpet for Bravo's 2nd annual A-List awards this weekend. Are they on a date or something? I may not be much of a Smashing Pumpkins fan, but I admit it even makes me a little bit sad to witness the final nail in the coffin of Billy Corgan's credibility as an artist. And as a human being. And as a person with an otherwise clean bill of venereal health.
For Tila on the other hand, this is a huge step up. Of course, she didn't need to go ruining the career of an alternative music icon for a huge step up. A freshly sanitized, androgynous blow-up doll probably would've done the trick just as well.
Return: (Verb) Come back or recur after a period of absence.Oh, exciting!! Heidi and Spencer are back. It's been nearly a month since we've had a good Heidi and Spencer sighting. See, they know how to play the game. Unlike famewhores such as Paris Hilton, who inundate me with paparazzi photos every single day of my life, Heidi and Spencer will actually fall off the face of the earth every now and again. Really make us start missing them, you know? And then, when they get back? Spencer doesn't have a beard anymore. Surprise! He has literally gone from being the Gorton's Fisherman to one of the Rescue Rangers. Always leave them wanting more, right guys?
Romantic: (Adjective) Relating to love, esp. in a sentimental or idealized way.Not only have Chris Brown and Rihanna reconciled, but sources say they're also recording a duet together. Aww...
The seemingly reconciled duo have been working on a duet that Brown is hoping to include on his new album, due out later this year, a studio source tells E! News. "They've been working on it together," the insider says.
We have also learned that award-winning record producer Polow Da Don, who has worked with Brown in the past, has been holed up with them at a Santa Monica recording studio for the past several days. (Source)
People laugh, but I think the Chris Brown and Rihanna saga will go down as one of history's greatest love stories. Maybe they can call their song "Something's Got a Hold On Me." Oh wait, no, that one's already been done by Ike and Tina. Coincidentally? Another of history's greatest love stories.
More of Chris Brown jetskiing (remorsefully):
Recovery: (Noun) A return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.I don't know if Jessica Simpson lost a few pounds or whatnot, but she's looking pretty decent. Yes, I said she looks good and I don't care who knows it. Unfortunately, it seems like she's resorted back to wearing the camisole/button-down shirt/necklace combo that I once pointed out she always wears. Only this time she's wearing a different button-down shirt and has the tacky necklace around her waist instead of her neck. Seriously? You're not Britney Spears or Madonna with elaborate tour costumes. Buy new clothes, already.
But anyway, congrats on the weight loss. She still sucks at everything else in life, but at least now she can fit into her favorite camisole again.
Routine: (Adjective) Performed as part of a regular procedure rather than for a special reason.Amy Winehouse has been charged with assault for punching a fan who asked her if she could take her picture last fall. I guess sometimes a simple "no thanks" just doesn't suffice.
On Thursday, "Amy voluntarily attended a police station in London," where she was formally arrested and charged, her spokesman confirms. "She was questioned by appointment in relation to an accusation made after the Berkeley ball last year." (Source)
I don't even know what else to say about Amy Winehouse at this point. How many times has she been charged with assault? Eight? Nine? She's got to be close to earning a "free fan beating" on her punch card by now, anyway.
Rasta: (Adjective) Of the Jamaican religious movement which involves the wearing of dreadlocks and the smoking of cannabis.Oh my God, guys! You'll never guess were Katie Holmes went for spring break?! Well, it was actually Great Adventure, but I bet everyone will think it was Jamaica with those wicked beads in her hair. No one the wiser! Oh, and just wait until she breaks out the Co-ed Naked Surfing shirt. She is totally gonna be the coolest kid at school tomorrow.
Editor's note: Yeah, yeah, before you all start crawling up my ass; I know it's for a movie role.
Reunited: (Verb) Come together again after a period of separation or disunity.What?! Rihanna has reportedly taken back Chris Brown this weekend, and supposedly Diddy orchestrated the whole thing. There are no words.
The couple is staying together at a house owned by Sean “Diddy” Combs on Star Island near Miami, Florida. Brown has been seen smiling, riding a jet ski, and flexing his arm muscles. Rihanna arrived four days ago, according to a source.
The latest issue of Us Weekly, on newsstands now, reports the pair have recently begun speaking again, and that Brown reached out to Rihanna on her 21st birthday. “He’s been calling and they are talking,” says a source. (Source)
Don't you just love these kinds of classic love stories? Where a pair of star-crossed lovers defeats the odds, and finds love again after one beats the motherloving shit out of the other one and then evidence photos of the beating turn up on the internet so everyone can see how horrific the injuries sustained were yet somehow they're able to make it work? So fucking romantic, I could almost cry.
Retardation: (Noun) Slowness or limitation in intellectual understanding and awareness, emotional development, academic progress, etc.I used to think Katy Perry was just a run-of-the-mill attention whore, but after seeing these photos of her at a show in Manchester last night, I'm starting to reconsider. The bright red heels and blue and white polka-dotted skirt? Actual smiley faces affixed to her shoulders? I think we may be looking at full on Downs Syndrome here. I mean, what kind of non retarded person names their cat Kitty Purry, anyway? And not just any Downs Syndrome either, I mean like super retarded. Like Juliette Lewis and Corky from "Life Goes On" had a lovechild and named her Katy Perry retarded. In that case, I should probably start being nicer to her. It's not nice to make fun of retarded people, you know.
Reprehensible: (Adjective) Deserving censure or condemnation.A photo of Rihanna taken by the LAPD shortly after she was assaulted was leaked on the internet last night, compliments of the beacons of journalism over at TMZ. You won't find it on this website nor will I be linking to it, however. Because I may make fun of babies and fat people, but apparently I still have some sliver left of what's known as a conscience. It must be nice though, I bet, to just lose it completely. I guess that's the difference between really liking your grandmom's antique engagement ring and stealing it off her finger as she lies cold in the box. In the end, I still don't have a pretty ring, but I also don't have to take half a bottle of vodka and a handful of vicodin to sleep with myself at night. Just the usual pint glass of wine from the box. You know, for the babies.
Redundant: (Adjective) Not strictly necessary to functioning but included in case of failure in another component.Madonna's much heard about photoshoot for W magazine, at which she apparently met her new boy toy Jesus Luz, finally came out. Predictably, it features the usual assortment of Madonna photoshopped within an inch of her life and a mostly naked Jesus presumably there to draw the eye away from the old Madonna. We still don't know much about the elusive, 22-year-old Jesus Luz, but if you're wondering about the character of a man who was able to win the heart of Madonna, he has his own name tattooed on his back. So... You know, clearly he has a dick the size of Heather Mills' prosthetic leg.
Tons more photos below. I like the ones where Madonna has her back to the camera the best.
Regrets: (Noun) a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something.
During a radio interview this morning, Christian Bale publicly apologized for the above tirade in which he brutally rips apart a cinematographer on the set of Terminator. The incident actually took place last summer, but I guess he's apologizing now because now people found out about it.
"I have no confusion whatsoever -- I was out of order, beyond belief," Bale, 35, said Friday on "The Kevin & Bean Show" on L.A.'s KROQ 106.7.
"I acted like a punk. I regret that," he said. "There is nobody who has heard that tape that has been hit harder by it than me. It is inexcusable." (Source)
Yeah. Nobody was hit harder than Christian Bale. Except, you know, the dry cleaner who lost his pants this morning. Zing!!!!!
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