Nasty: (Adjective) Highly unpleasant, esp. to the senses; physically nauseating.

Like a moth to a flame, or like a fly to a pile of dog shit -- Evan Rachel Wood has found her way back into the arms of 40-year-old Marilyn Manson. Aww, how romantic. According to an interview for the May issue of GQ:

More recently, she was linked with her Wrestler co-star, the 56-year-old Mickey Rourke. “There was no truth to it, and it was so annoying,” says Wood, now 21, who is back with Manson after “taking some time” away from the relationship. Of Rourke, she says: “The friendship was intimate and nice, and this makes it weird.” (Source)

OK, so she wasn't "dating" Mickey Rourke, she only had an "intimate friendship" with him. Whatever the fuck that means. And now she's back with Marilyn Manson? Jesus. Hasn't Evan Rachel Wood ever met any nice boys her own age? Or even a skeevy old dude who isn't in the top percentile of skeevy old dudes? At this point she could literally date her own uncle and somehow it would be a step up.

More of Daddy Issues McGillicuddy vamping it up for GQ:

Nice Try: (Phrase) Response to a valiant, yet ultimately fruitless effort.

Chelsea Handler, along with Padma Lakshmi, Eliza Dushku, Sharon Leal, and Lynn Collins, posed nude for the May issue of Allure magazine. Well, a nubile, 19-year-old model posed nude for Allure magazine, anyway, and Chelsea Handler's head was crudely pasted on top. Indeed Watson, my first clue was that the woman's body in this photo, unlike Chelsea Handler, does not appear to possess something I like to call "hips." Additionally, those are not the boobs of a 30-something. Because I've seen the boobs of a 30-something, and it's called "in the mirror every day." And let me tell you, 30-something boobs are some sad, sad, old boobs. Sigh... Now that I think about, I don't think I'd totally mind my own 19-year-old body double. Well played, Chelsea.

The real Chelsea Handler, at an Alzheimer's benefit last month:

Nauseating: (Adjective) Of something which makes someone feel sick.

Katy Perry was forced to leave the Brit Awards last night (as seen above) after vomiting backstage. Not even for being a drunken idiot, which is what you'd think, either. Apparently Katy was just legitimately sick.

And Perry explained her illness to the audience: "I'm so sick right now, but they said I should show up because something special might happen. Thank you to everyone at my record label. (I proved) I work pretty hard because I want to die right now." (Source)

No word yet on what caused her illness, but my theory is that it had something to do with her entire corset being covered in Hello Kitty. I know I had to fight back chunks of half digested English muffin just looking at it.

Natural: (Adjective) Of a skill, quality, or ability coming instinctively to a person.

Tori Spelling, who has somehow wormed her way back onto the new "90210," recently talked about the experience to US Magazine, saying that the experience "scary" for her. Like she wouldn't have stepped over her dad's cold dead body to get the part or anything.

"I was so nervous and didn't know what it was going to be like," she told Us. "I was afraid I wouldn't remember how to play Donna [her character].

"But I got halfway through the first scene and was like, 'Oh, wow - there she is!'" added Spelling, whose multiple episodes begin airing Apr. 14. "She has been in me this whole time. She's been hiding in there for 8 years and never left." (Source)

Yeeeesch. Donna Martin sounds a lot like a tapeworm or one of those absorbed conjoined twins or something. Only more unpleasant.

Donna Martin and the other one filming a scene for "90210":

Nerdgasm: (Noun) The result of a nerd's sensory overload or overstimulation.

Here is Chewbacca mauling Kristen Bell at the premiere of Fanboys. That's right, Chewbacca and Kristen Bell. So pretty much, the only way this could be more like nerd porn is if a scantily-clad Cylon came to the door delivering a pizza.

Never-Ending: (Adjective) Of something unpleasant having or seeming to have no end.

These are some rough times we're living in right now. But you know what would totally make everything better? Another fun movie about three ass-kicking, crime-fighting chicks! Yeah!!

"I'm so into it," Barrymore said while promoting her new star-filled romantic comedy, He's Just Not That Into You. "I’m so into it—Charlie's Angels III!"

"It's percolating up," said Nancy Juvonen, Barrymore's Flower Films producing partner. "It's rising to the surface." (Source)

With phrases like "percolating up" and "rising to the surface," why does it kind of sound like she's talking about a turd? Oh, right. Anyway, this had better not be just an elaborate ruse to quiet rumors about Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz hating each other. Can you think of how many literally tens of rabid Charlie's Angels fans would be crushed? This could be the single biggest letdown since the Spice Girls broke up.

Drew at the He's Just Not That Into You press conference:

Nondescript: (Adjective) Lacking distinctive or interesting features or characteristics.

I've come to the basic conclusion that there are two basic kinds of Angelina Jolie outfits: shapeless, colorless boring gowns and shapeless, colorless boring pantsuits. But that's besides the point because oh my God why are they matching? My boyfriend and I were going out one evening and he put on a sweater that was the same exact color as the shirt that I wore over to his house. Of course I demanded that he change, but he refused saying it wasn't that noticeable. So naturally our friends made fun of us mercilessly all night. I guess that's one of the advantages of being a normal person instead of a celebrity, because when you're a celebrity your assistants and handlers and so on will probably never tell you when you look like a couple of gay assholes. And I don't know about you, but I sure wouldn't trade the privilege of being called a "gay asshole" for all the money and wealth in the world. Suckers.

Nonprofit: (Adjective) Not making or conducted primarily to make a profit.

Last night "Dexter's" Julie Benz hosted a charity dinner to benefit the U.S. Campaign for Burma. I think it's really great to see celebrities involving themselves in charitable causes like this. So much so, that I suddenly feel inspired to start my own charity: The Julie Benz Hunger Relief Fund. For just dollars a day, you too can sponsor your very own Julie Benz. Your charitable donation will go towards providing Julie Benz with rice, protein and other basic nutrients important for sustaining human life. You'll also get a special opportunity to see a picture of your Julie Benz and even correspond with her! Get involved today!

Narcissism: (Noun) Excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one's physical appearance.

So here's an interesting little tidbit. Apparently, Jennifer Aniston likes watching herself. On television, pervert. What did you think I meant?

“There are times I don’t even remember that particular show. This is horrible to say, but there are times when I laugh my rear end off,” Aniston says of watching “Friends” reruns in the upcoming New York Times Magazine. “And I get in debates with people who are over and say, ‘ “Friends” is not my thing.’ Excuse you!” (Source)

I'm not even going to get into a discussion on the semantics of whether or not "Friends" is a funny show right now, because the last time I heard someone use the expression that they "laughed their rear end off" at something, it was my grandmother and she was talking about Regis. Good lord, Jennifer Aniston; you sad, lame ball of suck, you.

Nonsensical: (Adjective) Of something that has no meaning or make no sense.

Mariah Carey is appearing on the Rachel Ray Show today, and because she is mentally like twelve and retarded, discussed possible Halloween costume ideas for herself and Manservant Husband.

"One is a sexy firefighter. He can be a regular firefighter guy," she says. "Then we have an Egyptian."

Their third idea? "It takes a little imagination here," Carey tells Ray. "I would be chocolate chip cookies. "It's just like a two-piece little number, and it's made out of the chocolate chip cookie fabric," she says. "Then you have actual cookies sewn on." And is Cannon a glass of milk then, Ray asks. "He made this up and he was only kidding, but I liked it," says Carey, adding, "he would be a milk carton with a missing sign over his head." (Source)

So either they're going to dress up as gay porn stars or she's going to staple cookies to her privates. Better hope Heidi and Spencer don't catch wind of this. Heidi Montag's privates were made to have cookies staples to them.

More of Mariah and Manservant Husband at the lunch of Le Metier De Beaute Luxury Cosmetic Line. Do you like how she keeps her hand like that? It's so he won't run away.

Normal: (Adjective) Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.

Remember back when Paris Hilton made that first "Paris for President" video that was actually funny and well done and made me so confused and scared that I wanted to throw myself off a building like in the commercials for that shitty Marky Mark movie? And sure, I've made fun of her since -- many, many times -- but part of me still wondered if she was maybe actually a cool person deep down?

Well. It seems all is right in the universe, because only someone like Paris Hilton could be so completely oblivious to the line between clever social satire and blithering narcissism; the latter being what the above "music" video, the latest in her fake campaign for the presidency, consists of. I don't think I've ever heard a song so horrible that Heidi Montag wasn't directly responsible for. I made it about halfway through before I was forced to turn it off or else I might lose control of myself and start punching the computer screen. But really, this should serve as a lesson, as well as a grim reminder to us all: because a tiger can't change its stripes and a whore can't change her herpes. All she can do is stock up to Valtrex and whatever prescription medicine reduces eye wonkage.

Neglectful: (Adjective) Of failure to care for properly.

Well, the good news is that Katie Holmes finally cut poor little Suri's hair. The bad news is that she's got her wandering around New York City in late October wearing a sundress with no coat. As you can see in the thumbnails below, Katie herself is wearing a relatively heavy coat -- because guess what? I live about two hours south of NYC and it was fuckens cold yesterday. Seriously! I even I got in my car and drove to get lunch at a place that's only one block away. (Hi, Mr. Gore!) So at this point, best case scenario Suri grows up completely socially dysfunctional; worst case scenario she dies of pneumonia before she even hits puberty.

Narcissism: (Noun) Excessive or erotic interest in one's physical appearance.

Mario Lopez celebrated his birthday at the Bellagio in Vegas this past weekend... And out of all the attractive-looking people in this picture, I'll give you one guess which person Mario Lopez wants to kiss most. (Hint: It's the one on the cake.)

Neighbourly: (Adjective) Characteristic of a good neighbor; helpful, friendly, or kind.

Matthew McConaughey is unsurprisingly not well liked by his neighbors. Surprisingly, this actually has nothing to do with all-night bongo sessions or the wafting smell of marijuana. No, they don't like it that he drinks beer. Oooooh...

"Matt is rarely seen without a bottle or can of beer in his hand — he likes to unwind with friends. They surf and down beer after beer." But his neighbors want him to give it up, the sources says.

"The kids who play on the beach think Matt's cool because he's in movies," the insider says. But the parents think he's a bad influence. "They don't want their sons and daughters watching Matt get tipsy. Matt thinks they are overreacting. He says he's a dad, too, and they should mind their own business." (Source)

Seriously, Matthew McConaughey's neighbors, mind your own fucking bidness. Also, count your blessings and just be glad he's wearing pants. Because instead of having to explain to your obviously painfully-sheltered kids why Mr. McConaughey likes to drink beer, you could instead be explaining why Daddy's peener looked so small and cowardly that time they saw him getting out of the shower compared to Mr. McConaughey's next door.

See McConaughey surf:

Natural Beauty: (Noun) A woman who is naturally gorgeous without the aid of makeup or other beauty products.

I recently read that Pamela Anderson banned close-up shots of her face while filming her reality show "Pam: Girl on the Loose." Judging from these photos, however; for the life of me I can't see how that could ever possibly be true. But see, that's what separates me from your average gossip blogger: the ability to weed out the bullshit. That, and the uncanny ability to drink my weight in Pinot Grigio.

Editor's note: is she doing her eyeliner with a Sharpie now?!