Kid-Friendly: (Adjective) Something which is appealing or geared towards children.

Hey parents out there? Seth Rogen hates your children and will make them cry. Yes, he will literally make them cry. His words, not mine.

"Kids like me but when they meet me they're horrified by me... These guys bring their kids (to screenings) and I kind of resent them. To me it's kind of a sacrilegious thing and the kid would cry. It was horrible..."

"Now that the movie's out and I don't have to promote it anymore, I can say that I hate children. It's out; it's made $60 million. I can say it: I hate kids. If no kid ever came up to me, I would be more than happy." (Source)

Man, I bet he must have to beat the ladies off with a stick. No really. Every guy I meet is all "Blah, blah, blah; kids this; family that." It's like all men can even think about is effing babies. Ugh! Why can't I just meet a nice, child-loathing guy like Seth Rogen?

At the Monsters vs. Aliens premiere:

Kidnapper: (Noun) Someone who unlawfully seizes and detains a child.

Madonna has hit a snag in her latest attempt to steal a Malawian baby. A court ruling this morning delayed a ruling on her adoption application until Friday. Please! Like Madonna doesn't have better things to do with her time than hang out in some stinky third world country for a week. Also? The family of the little girl, Mercy James, isn't exactly thrilled about it.

Mercy James' grandmother, 61-year-old Lucy Chekechiwa, is reportedly against Madonna's decision to adopt. (Mercy James' single teen mother died at age 18; the girl's father is believed to be alive.)

"Why doesn't this singer pick other children?" she told Britain's The Sun. "It is stealing. I want to go to to court. I won't let her go." (Source)

What the fuck? Is Madonna seriously that incapable of finding an orphan to adopt who is actually, you know, an orphan? Or better yet, why doesn't Madonna have her own goddamn kids? Yeah I know, her uterus probably resembles a piece of stale beef jerky, but if science could put a baby in Arnold Schwarzenegger that time, who knows what is possible.

kthxbye: (Internet slang) Disrespectful form of quick politeness and salutation after one has served a purpose to another.

"Grey's Anatomy's" two bitchiest, bitchface stars, Katherine Heigl and T.R. Knight, have finally gotten their wishes and are being released from their contracts, as confirmed by fellow Grey's co-star James Pickens Jr.

"He complains to Katherine all the time," a set source has said of Knight (with Heigl). "The energy on set will be much better when he's gone."

Sources close to the actors concur. "Katherine is ready to move on to the next chapter," says a set source. And Knight is "not shy about telling people" he wants out of his contract, another insider told Us in December. (Source)

At least I can kind of see Katherine Heigl being too big for her britches. Hell, she might even churn out another shitty romcom or two before both studios and audiences finally come to the conclusion that she's an insufferable bitch and want nothing more to do with her. But T.R. Knight? I checked his IMDB page and literally, "Grey's Anatomy" is his only major credit to date. What the hell is he in such a fucking rush for? To land that big Burger King commercial he's always dreamed of?

More of Heigl at the People's Choice awards: (What did she win, the biggest bitch award?)

Kidding: (Verb) Deceive someone in a playful or teasing way.

Remember how Etta James said that she "couldn't stand" Beyonce and that she was going to "get her ass whupped" during a concert in Seattle last week? (Listen here.) Just kidding! She didn't really mean it. Or did she? (Yes.)

"I didn't really mean anything," James said. "Even as a little child, I've always had that comedian kind of attitude. ... That's probably what went into it."

Still, James acknowledged being miffed she wasn't invited to perform her signature song for Obama's first dance with his wife on inauguration night. James said she was "feeling left out of something that was basically mine, that I had done every time you look around."

She said she liked Beyoncé's performance, but when asked if she thought she could have done better, James answered, "I think so. That's a shame to say that." (Source)

See now, that's what separates a garden variety diva like Beyonce from a real diva like Etta James: the ability to apologize and insult someone at the same time. And that's why Etta James has chunks of diva in her stool bigger than Beyonce. Or was that corn? Either way, Etta: 2; Beyonce: 0.

More of that dirty Beyonce stealing Ms. James' glory at the inauguration:

Kiss-Ass: (Noun) A person showing an obsequious or sycophantic eagerness to please.

The SAG Awards were last night, and I didn't feel like covering the dresses like I usually do because I got in late this morning from my second job down at the docks. At any rate, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt showed up, and Angelina just barely managed to control her slobber while she talked about Brad to reporters on the red carpet.

"He's taught me a great deal and he's a wonderful man and a great father and one of the people... I admire most in the world because I know who he is every minute of every day. I think he's extraordinary." (Source)

Ugh, these two couldn't have their noses up each other's asses any more if they pulled down their pants and took turns giving each other rim jobs right there on the red carpet. Well Brad with the pants anyway; I guess Angelina would just have to pull aside her Gargamel cape or something. (Editor's note: Good to see she went with shapeless boring gown this time!)

Kinky: (Adjective) Involving or given to unusual sexual behavior.

Before you start thinking a Jessica Alba-starring Captivity II is imminent, let me ease your worries. As it turns out, this is just a marketing campaign for Declare Yourself, a non-profit organization geared towards getting people to register to vote. Because nothing gets democratic juices flowing like bondage innuendo! I don't know if voter registrations have increased at all, but I can almost guaranfuckingtee you sales of sadomasochistic porn are up 500%.

Kiss of Death: (Noun) A fatal or destructive relationship or action.

Last night Lily Allen co-hosted the GQ Men of the Year Awards with Elton John. Now, given how awesomely she handles herself at these types of affairs, it was pretty much inevitable that she get completely wasted on stage. But then? Things got worse. She got into a verbal altercation with Sir Elton:

When she came to announce '...and now the most important part of the night', Elton chipped in 'What? Are you going to have another drink?' She fired back: 'F*** off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!' The shocked audience fell silent.

A clearly rattled Elton replied 'I could still snort you under the table'. To which she replied: 'F*** off. I don't know what you are talking about.' (Source)

Nice going there, champ... Pissing off Elton John. I mean, the guy once picked a fight with Madonna. Evil, undead, Madonna for chrissakes! When Elton John says he's going to snort someone under the table, he doesn't mean just to do more coke than them. He actually means that he's going to crush your ass with the tidy little heel of his boot and snort you under the table. So I sure hope Lily enjoys looking over her shoulder and running in fear for the rest of her life. Elton's a'comin for you, bitch!

Keeper: (Noun) Significant other whom would make for good marriage material.

Kim Kardashian, who has been dating Reggie Bush for awhile now, recently told In Touch that she's started checking out bridal magazines and planning her wedding. Which might come as somewhat of a surprise to Reggie Bush, who hasn't so much proposed yet.

“I was in Vegas last weekend for a bachelorette party and saw how hectic it is to plan a wedding, so I’ve decided to start planning mine before being asked!”

Kim Kardashian is a modern woman, and in this modern society of ours, many men don't like to have to make pesky decisions of "who they are or aren't going to marry." Which is why I personally usually just wait until after the first time I sleep with a guy before whipping out the bridal magazines. Also, never underestimate the beauty of a faked pregnancy, because sometimes men don't aways realize that they don't want to make the pesky decision of who they are or aren't going to marry.

More of Bear Trap McGee at a fashion show earlier this week:

Killer (Adjective) Very cool.

Kissy Face (Noun) A face girls make when their picture is taken. Involves pursing the lips and sometimes tilting the head up. They think it makes them look sexy. 

Seriously, Kristen: If you don't stop it with the kissy face, your expression is going to freeze that way, and then where will your Hollywood career be?

Ah, who am I kidding? You'll get even more parts.

Here's Kristen in this month's UK FHM.

Peekaboo is a game similar to hide and seek, but played with babies. In the game, one (child, teenager, or adult) hides their face, pops back into the baby's view, and says — to the baby's amusement — Peekaboo! I see you!

Isn't this adorable? Ashlee plays Peekaboo just like my 11-month-old son: By covering just the one eye. I'll tell Ashlee the same thing I tell my kid: That's cheating, buddy, and if you keep it up, you're going straight to hell, where Satan gouges out your eyes out if you cheat.

Kicked to the Curb: (Phrase) To send your significant other packing.

Uh oh! It look like someone finally learned how to use the internet, huh Sarah? That's why I strictly forbid any of my boyfriends from even owning a computer, much less going online. My advice is look for a nice Amish boy. Sure, he may not "wear deodorant" or "have a drivers license," but on the bright side you'll never have to explain why you once ate a live scorpion on TV for money.

King Solomon: (Biblical Figure) Ancient king of Israel; noted for his great wisdom in the story where he offered to chop a baby in half with a sword to see who the mother was.

Here we fucking go again. Michael Lohan is reopening his divorce case against White Oprah, bitching that she's made it "hard as hell" for him to see his kids, and that the mini-Lohans haven't been to see their ill/injured grandparents. Oh, and also? There this:

Michael says he's also suing his ex over her upcoming reality show, "Living Lohan," slotted to air this summer on the E! channel. "It's the exact same show I pitched. She even used my title." (Source)

Good lord, have these people heard of King Solomon? On second thought, scratch that -- I don't want to give anyone any ideas that might lead to the goriest, most blood-soaked family style massacre since Helter Skelter.

The family Lohan at Lindsay's 21st birthday last summer:

Ki Ki Ki Ma Ma Ma (Syllables) The sound you hear in Harry Mendolsohn's score of the original Friday the 13th, in the final reel. The "Ki" is short of Kill, and the "Ma" is short for Mommy.

Derek Mears, that handsome feller above, is in final negotiations to play Jason Voorhies in the remake of Friday the 13th. Ummmm ... I don't think he'll need a hockey mask to terrify audiences. Jesus Christ! That's a guy you don't want to bunk with in prison; he could scare the shit out of colostomy bag.

Ki Ki Ki Ma Ma Ma.

Dayuum! Where did Sarah Michelle Gellar get cleavage from all of a sudden? Normally her chest looks like the chest of an eight year old boy, or a board, or anything else you can think of that's characterized by being completely flat. And then it's like, all of a sudden she's got full blown knockers! You know what this means, right? Sarah Michelle Gellar is finally becoming a woman. Pretty soon she'll be getting her monthly visitor and the boys will come a knockin!