Incognito: (Adverb) Of a person having one's true identity concealed.

In case you weren't aware, even Paris Hilton has a twitter page now. She uses it mostly to post photos of herself, naturally, because there just aren't enough pictures of Paris Hilton on the internet these days. At any rate, here's the latest round of photos of her in a brunette wig.

Me in Disguise Today. Blondes have fun! But Brunettes are hot too! :) xoxo
about 13 hours ago from TwitPic

I hate to break it to her, but it's going to take a lot more than a brown wig to disguise Paris Hilton. Even through the computer I can smell the whore stench. Maybe if she tried rolling around with a skunk or something? That might help cover it up. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Inescapable: (Adjective) Unable to be avoided or denied.

I've been doing my best to ignore writing about the retarded antics Lady Gaga, but it's such a slow news day today that literally my only other option was to report on Brangelina going to the grocery store. So here is Lady Gaga. Basically, Lady Gaga is the product of what would happen if Pinhead from the Hellraiser movies fornicated with Mary Poppins. And if it didn't wear pants. So great, there you go. Now you know what it would look like if that happened.

Insanity: (Noun) The state of being seriously mentally ill; madness.

If you haven't heard by now, Lindsay Lohan's batshit crazy mom has started her own twitter page. I don't know for sure that it's really her, but after reading through a sampling of half coherent entries attempting to refute the constant influx of gossip and rumors surrounding her daughter -- which all invariably cut themselves off -- if it's a fake, it's a good one.

I can think of MANY great actresses to film movies for major networks and dvd but now that its my daughter suddenly it means something negat

Since when is premiering on a MAJOR NEtwork a bad thing especially a DVD release after I swear all these haters tell lies and have nothing t

@D_Wild excuse me hon but if you knew michael and knew what he has PUT ME THROUGH and my FAMILY the past 22 years you would not agree with h

risk hiring my daughter well the point is he is DECEIVED by the media lindsay is FINE not to mention one of the greatest actresses of her ge

oh and the bloggers saying she isnt working cant get a job HELLO she has many projects coming up and she did the fornarna commercial recentl

I wonder if Dina Lohan is familiar with the expression: "If you ignore bullies, they'll go away." Regardless, it's still not nearly as helpful as the expression: "If you put the entire Lohan family into a rocket and fire it into the sun, they'll go away." How 'bout it, NASA?

Inexcusable: (Adjective) Too bad to be justified or tolerated.

The details are still cloudy on why Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer split up, but one new theory emerging is that it has something to do with his twittering. Which, by the way, could have had a whole entirely different interpretive meaning 10 years ago.

Rocker JOHN MAYER said he was too busy to return calls while Jennifer was away promoting her new film. But Friends star Jen spotted he was updating his page of the networking site instead.

One pal said: “Jen was fuming. There he was, telling her he didn’t have time for her and yet his page was filled with updates! “Every few hours, sometimes minutes, he’d update with some stupid line. “She was like, ‘He has time for all this Twittering, but he can’t send me a text, an email, make a call?’ (Source)

I can totally see where she's coming from here. Back in the day, I used to have a boyfriend who was way into that "Warcraft" game and let me just tell you what a drag that can be on a relationship. Of course, the guy still returned my calls and everything, so, uh... Oh. She made the right decision, here. Maybe she should find herself one of those nice "Warcraft" boyfriends. True, there's the slight aroma of funk and mildew to deal with, but at least he's not going to be douching your personal life all over the internet.

Independent: (Adjective) Capable of thinking or acting for oneself.

Some radio DJ actually had the balls to ask 16-year-old Miley Cyrus if she planning to move in with her underwear model boyfriend, Justin Gaston.

"I get annoyed really easily." The 16-year-old star of "Hannah Montana" told Detroit's "Mojo in the Morning" show on WKQI: "I love him to death . . . but no . . . [Justin] is so smart, but just like, everything has to, like, go where it's supposed to go and if it doesn't, I get like really frustrated." (Source)

Wrong answer. The correct answer would have been: "No, my boyfriend is not moving in with me because I'm 16-years-old and it would be setting a poor example to my impressionable young fans, as well as illegal considering that he's twenty." But considering this is Miley Cyrus we're talking about, I guess we're just lucky she didn't say it's because he "farts up the bed."

More of Miley somewhere, doing something:

Idiocy: (Noun) Extremely stupid behavior.

Now that Kendra Wilkinson is no longer under Hugh Hefner's wrinkly thumb and marrying Hank Baskett, she says that her next order of business is starting a family.

"We always talk about [having kids]," Wilkinson tells PEOPLE about her plans with fiancé Hank Baskett. "He wants kids so [badly], and I do, too."

The couple are so serious about children, they've even been coming up with names. "My first initial is K and my middle name is Leigh, so we were thinking of Kaleigh," she says. "And he's Hank Baskett III, so of course I'm going to have a Hank Baskett IV!" (Source)

Kendra Wilkinson, bless her heart, has got to be one of the dumbest people I have ever encountered in my life, on television or otherwise. Hank Baskett is a big ape whose job is to run around a field with a ball, smashing into other big apes. This kid has about a zero percent chance of coming out with the ability to remember to breathe on its own.

More of Kendra showing off her engagement ring at Fashion Week:

Issues: (Noun) Personal problems or difficulties.

Guess who's going to anger management? That's right, everyone's favorite domestic abuser, Chris Brown. Shame he couldn't have gone before he beat up Rihanna. I guess hindsight really is 20/20.

According to a source, Brown opted for anger management at the behest of his spin doctor, Michael Sitrick. "Chris doesn't actually have to go by law," our insider tells us, "but he believes it will make him look better to the public, and he wants to try to get in a few classes before March 5," his court date. (Source)

Well of course the asshole is doing it just for his image. Because you know what works even better than anger management? Prison. It's hard to be angry about anything when you're biting into your pillow trying not to scream while your cell mate named "Skidmark" pounds the holy hell out of your backside. Grief, despair, self-pity; yes -- but definitely not anger.

Illusions: (Noun) Something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality.

Rut roh, this can't be good. For Britney Spears' upcoming "Circus" tour, she'll be serving as magician's assistant as well as performing her songs.

"Right away, she got into the boxes and into the magic contraptions to learn the stuff, and she's so excited about this tour and all the elements that are in it," illusionist-comedian Ed Alonzo said.

Spears will serve as Alonzo's assistant during the bit, but that won't stop her from missing out on the fun. "If I do a trick, she doesn't just hold the props, she's actually getting inside the big boxes or I am slicing her up." (Source)

Isn't there a reason why magicians and magician's assistants usually kind of, you know, trained professionals? This has just got bad idea written all over it. On the bright side, we might finally be closer to answering the age old question: If you cut Britney Spears in half, will the halves grow back like an earthworm? Stay tuned!

Fake wax Comeback Britney, only slightly less creepy than real Comeback Britney:

Infectious: (Adjective) Of a disease-causing organism likely to be transmitted through the environment.

Uhhhh... So, apparently, this happened the other night. I could make an easy joke that the last time I saw the threat of germ warfare of this caliber was when I was reading The Stand -- but I'm more distracted by the look on Paris Hilton's face. Is it me, or is she actually rolling her eyes at Tila Tequila? Like, she legitimately is thinking: "Somebody get this trashy, disgusting, 15-minutes-of-fame hooker away from me." Not that Tila Tequila isn't those things, mind you, but the only thing differentiating Tila Tequila from Paris Hilton is a trust fund and a sex tape. And while Tila may be a glorifed, small Vietanmese boy stripper, a porn star she ain't. That I know of. Yet.

Irresponsible: (Adjective) Not showing a proper sense of responsibility.

In what has got to violate some kind of animal cruelty laws, the Kardashian family has apparently adopted a chimpanzee. Kim Kardashian writes on her blog:

Her name is Suzy, she is three years old, and she is a handful!

She steals our BlackBerrys and climbs up my mom's bed.

Having a monkey is a lot of work. Suzy always has her diaper on and we are the ones who have to change it!

It's just like having an infant but worse because Suzy runs around like a teenager! She always needs to be fed, drinks out of a bottle and she loves Capri Sun juices! (Source)

Sooo... I'm guessing no one told them that those things can rip your face off? Please, please no one tell them that those things can rip your face off. This could be the start of a really great trend. Today the Kardashian family adopts a chimpanzee. Tomorrow, Heidi and Spencer adopt a lion cub. Then maybe down the road a bit, the Hogans can adopt a genetically created velociraptor. Yeah, yeah. I know that last one is just plain silly. But a girl can dream, can't she?

Inconspicuous: (Adjective) Not clearly visible or attracting attention.

Carrie Underwood was attending her boyfriend, NHL Ottawa Senators player Mike Fisher's game at Nashville's Sommet Center when the jumbotron picked up on her. Carrie was clearly displeased to have been shown onscreen -- and, I'm not sure I can explain exactly what happened next -- but she just up and disappeared! The only thing I can think of is that there is some sort of possible witchcraftery at play here. Or possibly invisible paint. All I know is that this sounds like a job for "Unsolved Mysteries," to me.

More of the female version of Miss Copperfield at last week's Grammy awards:

Inevitable: (Adjective) Certain to happen; unavoidable.

Because arrests and rehab go together like fine wine and cheese in Hollywood, Kelly Osbourne has entered an Los Angeles rehabilitation facility!

Her rep in London says in a statement to PEOPLE, "Kelly Osbourne has voluntarily entered a medical facility to address some personal issues. Her family stands by and supports her." No further details were provided. (Source)

"Personal issues," huh? I didn't realize they made rehabs that specialized in curing spoiled, bratty, entitled bitches. But I guess if you're going to find a place like that anywhere, it'd have to be L.A. The Hilton family alone could theoretically keep the place in business for years.

Bruiser Malloy at the Flaunt Magazine anniversary party:

Inauguralicious: (Adjective) Of the fabulousness surrounding the Presidential inauguration.

Today is probably going to be kind of a slow news day, as the celebrities have descended upon Washington like a horde of locusts for Obama's inauguration. Like Ben Affleck, for instance, who would like to alert any stalkers out there of his current location:

"I'm going to camp out," the star told Usmagazine.com at his Feeding America hunger rally on Monday in Washington, D.C. "I'll bring a tent -- and a heater!" (Source)

See? Celebrities are just camping out in the streets! Washington hasn't seen this kind of unbridled star power since the 2000 inauguration of George W. Bush. Can you even imagine? Ted Nugent, Jessica Simpson and Charlton Heston all in the same place? I'm surprised there was even anything left of D.C. after that rockin' party left town.

More of Whoffleck at the Feeding America's National Hunger Rally yesterday:

Ideal: (Adjective) Satisfying one's conception of what is perfect; most suitable.

Vanessa Hudgens is reportedly going for a part in the Twilight sequel New Moon, as werewolf Leah Clearwater. Really?! Leah Clearwater is the best name they could come up with? Whatevs.

According to Twilight and New Moon actress Ashley Greene told MTV that she would be happy to co-star with Hudgens. "I think she'd be great," Greene said Sunday. (Source)

All I really know about Vanessa Hudgens is that she stars in those High School Musical movies, took naked pictures of herself once and is really into gay dudes. Going by those standards so far, if the werewolf in Twilight likes to sing and get naked, she'd probably be perfect for the part.

More of Tits McWolfie and Her Little Gay at the Golden Globes:

Incestuous: (Adjective) Involving or guilty of incest.

I love this story so much I want to impregnate it with web-footed tail babies: Michael C. Hall has married his onscreen "Dexter" co-star Jennifer Carpenter, who plays his sister on the series.

Hall, 37, and Carpenter, 29 -- who have been quietly dating for about a year and a half -- eloped in California on New Year's Eve, his rep tells The Associated Press. (Source)

Michael C. Hall is so dreamy I'd marry him if he were my brother, too. And not just onscreen adopted brother, I'd marry him even if he were my real life blood brother. I mean, incest laws must have some sort of loopholes on the condition that your brother is a total effing hunk, right? You'd think at least Arkansas would allow for that sort of thing.

More of Dexter and Deb's first public appearance as husband and wife at the Golden Globes: