Apologetic: (Adjective) Regretfully acknowledging or excusing an offense or failure.

Sienna Miller came under some fire during the filming of her new film Mysteries of Pittsburgh, when, on location, she referred to the city as "Shitsburgh" to a reporter. Well, apparently it wasn't her fault, but the reporter's fault for failing to translate her great wit.

"It was a stupid joke because it rhymes. In the hands of a responsible journalist, humor and sarcasm will be translated appropriately," Miller told us with a smirk at the film's Cinema Society/Links of London screening. "It was not meant as disrespectful in any way. In England, we have great rhyming slang, and everyone spends their day rhyming. But for all the trouble that comment caused, there were many people who were supportive." (Source)

Wow, with all the rhyming going on with England, I'm surprised it's not a hotbed for up and coming rappers. Regardless, I think Sienna Miller is failing to see one key point here. Just like the blacks and the gays can use, uh, "certain words" affectionately towards each other, it doesn't mean everyone can. Maybe it's OK for someone from Pittsburgh to make fun of their city, but it doesn't give some spoiled British asshole the right to say it. Likewise, I may refer to where I live as "Filthadelphia" all the time, but if Sienna Miller came here and called it that I'd be the first in line to kick her in the vagina. That's not true. I'd probably still be first in line to kick her in the vagina, even if she didn't say that.

More of Sienna captured in a rare, clothed moment at the Mysteries of Pittsburgh screening:

Armed and Dangerous: (Phrase) One who is equipped with or carrying a weapon or weapons and is able or likely to cause harm or injury.

Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett took a page from Heidi and Spencer and went on a little constitutional down to the shooting range recently. Because, awesome! A Playboy model with a gun! What could go wrong? Kendra wrote about the experience on her blog:

Hank and i went to the shooting range the other day so that he could teach me how to shoot a gun, or two or three hahaha. I think its so important that every woman learn self defense, plus its fun :D Im definitely a pro now haha!!

Check out these pics of me working the rifle and of Hank showing me how its done! (Source)

When I think of womens' self defense, I don't think of guns. I think of pressure points and mace and knowing just how to make a guy's nuts enter his stomach cavity; not a concealed firearm in your Chanel purse. But then again they are moving to my fair city of Philadelphia now, the land of milk and bullets. Most kids here are armed by the age of six. So yeah, maybe it wouldn't hurt to get a backup gun for her gun. Just in case.

Awe-Inspiring: (Adjective) Arousing awe through being impressive, formidable, or magnificent.

I know a lot of people think that Mickey Rourke is an asshole, and I'm not even necessarily disputing the fact. Say what you want about him, but you have to admit not many people can pull off meandering about the streets of Hollywood wearing a billowy, flowered shirt, carrying an open bottle of beer in their back pocket and stopping to make the friendly acquaintance of random, strange dogs along the way without being arrested. The closest I've come was some middle-aged guy I met in a bar one night who looked like Mickey Rourke wearing a hypercolor shirt with the sleeves cut off, who told me my hair looked like the hair of a statue with an erect penis at his mom's house. And since I can't vouch for that guy's whereabouts later that night, Mickey Rourke is still hands-down the champ at being publicly drunk and insane.

April Fool's: (Exclamation) Said to a person who is the victim of a trick or hoax on April 1.

When I heard that Cloris Leachman was wearing nothing but lettuce for a new PETA ad campaign I immediately broke out in terror sweats, picturing something along the lines of Botticelli's Birth of Venus with a few more lettuce leaves and a lot more sagging skin. So you can imagine how awesome it was to see this tasteful lettuce and cabbage gown adorning Ms. Leachman for the poster. Even more awesome? At the unveiling of the ad in Times Square yesterday, (pictured below) Cloris is wearing what appears to be shearling and suede scuffs. To a PETA event. God, how much do I love that? In your face, PETA! See? That's why you can't trust old people to do anything right. My Grandmother once ruined a perfectly good DVD player by trying to insert a VHS tape into it. She never did get to record her stories that day.

Animal Lover: (Noun) Someone with emotions that lead to bonding with non-human species.

Heather Mills, who -- if you'll recall -- is such an animal activist that she once encouraged people to drink rat's milk instead of cow's milk, has just signed onto a lucrative, $4.3 million deal with Burger King. Because, surprise! She's still a whore.

The former model - who last week invested in a seaside cafe which she plans to turn into a vegetarian eatery - has agreed to launch a new meat-free burger at the company's 11,350 outlets throughout the world, according to U.K. newspaper The People.

A source tells the publication, "Heather is ecstatic. She believes she can change the eating habits of millions. She's also being paid a lot of money and the deal will help boost her standing." (Source)

So, she knows, right? That just because Burger King is offering meatless options, they're still going to be serving up the 100% animal flesh kind, right? That's like a country offering to get behind Germany during World War II because the Nazis offered to start burning some Jews in "effigy." Even though they'd technically be burning just as many the old-fashioned way. When presented with the comparative logic, Mills' response was to inquire if the Holocaust was still offering endorsement deals.

More of Whorether Mills serving up tofu meat for underprivileged kids:

Adult: (Adjective) Emotionally and mentally mature.

Since Hayden Panetterhoweveryouspellit, 19, and Milo Ventimawhatshisface, 31, split up, Hayden has supposedly decided to make Milo's life a living hell while shooting "Heroes," and is trying to get him kicked off the show.

“She refuses to be on the set at the same time as him,” the pal tells OK!. “She is making it difficult for everyone involved.” (Her rep denies this). As for Milo, “He’s not going to play any games or stoop to her level,” says the friend. (Source)

See now, Milo? That's why you don't date co-workers. And also, that's why you don't date teenagers, when you yourself are in your 30's. Oh right, and we can't forget, that's why you don't date haughty, entitled little prima donnas. Pretty much, you don't date "insert any dating scenario which will no doubt come back to bite you in the ass." Next time why don't you just save yourself the trouble and stick your wang in the hose attachment of the vacuum cleaner?

More of Hayden smoking and drinking coffee, just like a real grownup!:

Appropriate: (Adjective) Suitable or proper in the circumstances.

You know all those racy costumes Britney Spears is wearing on her "Circus" tour? Well just in case you thought otherwise, she wants to make sure everyone knows that her kids won't be missing a minute of it. Hear that? They get to see everything.

"Contrary to rumors linked to false articles," a late-night statement posted on Britney's website reads. "Britney Spears' sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James, will be joining her on the entire Circus tour and will be attending shows as planned."

"Britney's family is a huge inspiration and she loves having them on the road with her." (Source)

I would say seeing your mom writhe around on a stage wearing pasties and dancing on a stripper pole in front of thousands of screaming fans would normally rate pretty high on the traumamometer, but these are Britney Spears kids we're talking about. Sean Preston has set up camp in his happy place for so long he probably knows the name of the mailman there by now.

About Time: (Phrase) Used to convey that something now happening or about to happen should have happened earlier.

Surprise! Holly Madison has ended her relationship with Criss Angel. I think it had something to do with, you know, her being Holly Madison and him being Criss Angel.

"All she's doing is following Criss Angel around to all of his magic shows, with no legitimate job to speak of," said an insider. "She's still heartbroken and regretful about how things went down with Hef.

"Then she ran into the arms of Criss Angel," the source told Us. "But then it's like, 'This is not everything I thought it would be.'" (Source)

It wasn't everything she thought it would be? What did she think it would be? He's a magician, for chrissakes. Enough fucking said. That's like dating a homeless person and being like: "Oh wait, so you really do sleep outside on the ground? And eat things out of the trash? Huh. No, no, that's cool... Oh boy, look at the time! I have really got to get going."

The beauty and the douchegician in happier times:

Accessorize: (Verb) To serve as a fashion accessory to a garment.

Oooh, I love this story. Love it, love it, love it. Madonna is actually bringing her fuck boy, Jesus Luz, out in public for Oscar night. That'll show Guy Ritchie what's what.

“Madonna and Jesus have spent all week planning their outfits for Oscar night,” a pal tells OK! “Madonna is planning on using the Vanity Fair party to introduce Jesus to the world as her new boyfriend, and she wants everything to be perfect!" (Source)

She's wants everything to be perfect? She's a 50-year-old woman bringing a 22-year-old model with the IQ of cabbage to the Oscars. The only way it's going top be perfect is if she hops into a time machine and transports herself back to an age where bringing a 22-year-old model with the IQ of cabbage to the Oscars wasn't totally pathetic. But, since time machines don't exist yet, she'll just have to settle for pathetic. That's kind of close to perfect, right?

Abuser: (Noun) Someone who assaults another person, esp. a woman or child.

Sorry for the late start today, guys. I was out late at a bangin' Grammy party last night. Kidding! I'm feeling under the weather and I'm having car problems. Double whammy. And speaking of whammys, what the fuck happened with Chris Brown and Rihanna this weekend? Apparently he beat the crap out of her or something.

Police confirmed late Sunday that an unidentified woman phoned 911 and claimed she got into a fight with the singer and he attacked her. Police say the woman had visible injuries.

When officers arrived, they found the victim, but Brown had already left the scene, police say. Both Brown and Rihanna pulled out of Sunday's Grammy Awards at the last minute. (Source)

I don't really know anything about Chris Brown because I'm painfully out of touch with The MTV and what the kids are listening to these days. But I'm guessing he's some kind of rapper, which will make this the single most biggest scandal to hit the rap community since last Tuesday.

The couple at a Grammy pre-party immediately before the incident took place:

Artificial: (Adjective) Made or produced by human beings rather than occurring naturally.

Damns! With all the plastic and synthetic materials in this picture, you could literally build an entire village for orphans in Africa. Of course, it wouldn't be a very good village, because all the homes in it would have squishy collagen walls and ceilings that would leak chemicals on you while you slept. But I guess that's why they say beggars shouldn't be choosers, right? Stupid picky orphans.

More of Trout Mouth and Silly Putty Face at the Byron & Tracey Salon party:

Avant-Garde: (Adjective) New and unusual or experimental ideas.

NO FAIR! Apparently it was National Stupid Sunglasses Day and nobody even told me. How rude. I guess those sweet Garfield sunglasses I found at a yard sale will just have to wait until next year. Hmph.

Again: (Adverb) Another time; once more.

Jesus fucking God; there's going to be another one of those goddamn Sex and the City movies. Like the first one wasn't already the bane my my christforsaken existence as a gossip blogger for like six mothereffing months. Ooooh, I hope Sarah Jessica Parker wears another one of her zany hats to the premiere so we can all talk about it until I want to punch myself in the face.

"Not all the contracts are signed, but everyone is on board," a source tells Us. "It just happened."

Nixon told Us she has a few ideas for her character, feisty lawyer Miranda Hobbes. "I would love to see her and Carrie and Charlotte and Samantha all go off on some wild mad cap adventure somewhere," she said. (Source)

True story: I visibly cringed at the phrase "mad cap adventure." So basically, she's thinking Thelma and Louise only with four aging whores. And yet I would actually consider going to see it if they all drove off a cliff in the end and maybe if Michael Bay did the special effects. (Somebody please make that happen.)

More of Old Nancy Kerrigan at the New York City Ballet last November:

Aaawkward: (Adjective) Causing or feeling extreme embarrassment or uncomfortableness; extra A's added for emphasis.

What's the only thing worse than running into your ex-girlfriend while enjoying a romantic, intimate dinner with your current girlfriend? Well, if your name is "Justin Timberlake" the answer is probably "nothing on this Earth."

Timberlake was in the middle of a late-night dinner with current girlfriend Jessica Biel when Spears walked through the door with her mom Lynne around 10 p.m. While "Jessica looked gorgeous," Spears "didn't look the best, but she probably thought no one would see her, as this restaurant isn't usually a hot spot," the onlooker tells Us.

The witness describes the restaurant as "so small...like the size of a living room," and the situation as "uncomfortable. "Jessica and Justin looked to be slumping down in their seats to avoid [Spears]." (Source)

I love how this witness had to go and note that Britney "wasn't looking the best." Like no shit she wasn't looking her best. These days Britney looking her best requires a team of 20-30 people to do her hair, makeup, spray-tan and Crisco her into whatever painted on ensemble she's wearing. Left to her own devices I'd be surprised if there wasn't a family of baby birds or a hobo living in her weave.

More of Jessica Biel at the Rome International Film Festival last October, because she's purty: (Seriously, what's she doing with that Timberlake tool anyway?)

Abhorrent: (Adjective) Inspiring disgust and loathing; repugnant.

Perez Hilton released his new book Red Carpet Suicide yesterday, because yes: Perez Hilton has a book out! I didn't think his hammy little hooves were good for anything besides drawing coke boogers on pictures, but apparently he can write words and form ideas, too! But what I don't understand is why anyone would actually buy a Perez Hilton book when you can just go on Perez Hilton's website to read all of his immature, blithering crap. It's just like they say: Why buy the cow when you can get the cow pies for free?

More from his book launch. Seriously America, nobody buy this. I beg you.