So the video for Miley's new song "Can't Be Tamed" is out, and apparently people everywhere are dropping their monocles and clutching their pearls and blah and blah and blah because we all know that 17-year-olds are chaste little virgins. Bitch please, have you ever met an actual 17-year-old girl? They're all whores. (Ed. Note: I know I was -- Stacey) At least she's owning up to it instead of promoting abstinence while getting knocked up by the town dumbass. Ain't that right Bristol? I guess what I'm trying to say is, teens are about as pure as the new fallen snow ... If someone jizzed all over it. On the plus side, have you ever finger-blasted yourself while wearing a Promise ring? It feels AMAZING.