Spencer Pratt Is Getting An Energy Drink
Do you like being uncomfortably energetic, and buying things from a morally bankrupt man who looks like a convicted statutory rapist? Well then have I got good news for you! Well, not really. Spencer Pratt and Snookie's weirdly hot boyfriend are teaming up to create their own energy drink called, and I swear to God I'm not making this up, "Guid-O-Juice". What, was "Haterade" too obvious?Pratt and Emilio Masella just acquired trademark rights on the name "Guid-o-Juice" -- for drink products ranging from energy-fueled concoctions to herbal remedies.
We're told Spencilio's first venture is "what's soon to be the most popular Guido energy drink in the world." (Source)
Well it makes total sense when you think about it: You're probably gonna need a lot of energy after the gym, and tanning, and ... Ummm, laundry. Yeah, I bet folding shirts must be exhausting. On the plus side, I hear it's coming in delicious flavors, like "Steroid Strawberry," "Oompa Loompa Orange," and "Snookie Punch".
This strikes me as one of those things people do in their youth that they're embarrassed about in their golden years, you know, like unfortunate hairdos, and their first marriage, and that tattoo of Elmer Fudd pissing on GUN CONTROL.
Someday, Spencer Pratt will be prone in palliative care, looking back on the time he paid to trademark Guid-O-Juice.
The nurses will not linger at his bedside, hoping to absorb his wisdom before it's lost to us forever. He will know why.
PS: I'm not going to keep mentioning that photo, because come on. Instead I want you to know that each time you use it, I make the Spongebob Eyes in my soul.