"American Idol" decided to do their "Idol Gives Back" thing last night, which for those of you who blessedly don't know, is the night where they pretend that they give a shit about anything other than Ford and Coca-Cola product placements. To add insult to injury, The Black Eyed Peas performed live, because nothing makes me feel more generous than the sound of four untalented people screeching at me. I'm sure about half-way through her performance of waving her big stupid dress around while a bunch of slutty C-3PO's danced in the background, Fergie was probably thinking something like, "Hey, where's the machine that makes us sound talented?" It's sort of like one of those car crashes that you can't look away from, only the car crash is taking place entirely in your ears.