I'm not exactly an expert at physics here (haters to the left, please), but I'm pretty sure there's some big fancy equation about mass times velocity that Heidi Montag's boobs is pissing all over right now. No offense to her, but those silicone deathballs on that body? Doesn't add up. Maybe if there was a pull-string somewhere on her back that would make her say something like "Math is hard!" or "I've spent thousands on plastic surgery because my husband has a tiny dick and I no longer feel anything in my heart!," I'd be able to understand why she can walk upright without her body snapping in half.

Here's more of Heidi Montag's body proving Sir Isaac Newton wrong: