Awwwww, how sad, Gwyneth GOOPy Paltrow is getting a friend-divorce! ...Oh darn, where did I put that rat's ass I was supposed to give... (Agent Bedhead)

So the new Nightmare on Elm Street trailer is out, and I'm a little torn. On one hand: Jackie Earle Haley and Connie Britton. On the other: Michael Bay. (Pajiba)

So not only does that slut from The Bachelor have a sex tape, but she was also a total slut in High School. HA! (Yeeeah!)

I'm not going to say anything bad about Johnny Depp, mostly because the new BF adores him, but, ummmm...He has terrible hygiene. (The Blemish)

Alright, so I'm already pretty excited for Tina Fey's movie Date Night, but the added bonus of Mark Whalberg's abs makes it all SO much better. (Seriously? OMG!)

Okay, so not only is Miss Beverley Hills a complete and total gaycist, but she is an absolute friggin' DOG. (Celebitchy)

So a Kardashian, a Lohan, a Real Housewife and that Jersey Shore Cast Memeber no one cares about walk into a bar... (BricksandStones)

So not only is PETA irritating as hell, they're also completely behind the times. Well done PETA, now how about an iPad joke? (POTP)

Kesha (And not Ke$ha, because putting a dollar sign in your name is STUPID) wants you to know she's not a party girl, despite every song of hers being about partying. (Evil Beet)