Christina Hendricks and her laws of space and time-defying figure are featured on this month's cover of New York Magazine, and -- if I may say so -- goddamn. If I even had the tiniest chance of getting a figure like hers, I'd fill a bucket up with pints of Ben and Jerry's with an entire package of "Chips Ahoy!" crumbled on top and just go to town like nobody's business. But unfortunately, I'm a mere five-foot-two and I don't do "hourglass" so much as "snowglobe." Stupid genetics.