...And by "it", I mean "Penis". John Mayer is on the cover of Rolling Stone this month (and you wonder why print media is dead) and has gone on the record to say that he likes to play the five finger shuffle. You know, choke the chicken, flog the bishop, battle the one-eyed monster...Finger blastin', people. Finger blastin'.

"I am the new generation of masturbator," he explains. "I've seen it all. Before I make coffee, I've seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week... I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn't pick up because I'm masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion." (Source)

I could make a joke about the irony behind and asshole jacking off to an asshole, but right now I just want to kick John Mayer in the teeth for making me think about Tiger Woods masturbating. There's nothing wrong with talking openly and honestly about sex, unless of course you're ugly. In which case, keep your weird, ugly person sex to yourself there fuggo.