I'm gonna be completely honest with you here: I love People Magazine. LOVE. But only because they are the single most kiss-ass magazine on the planet. As you would expect, they managed to score an exclusive with Heidi Montag, and of course they find a way to shamelessly brown-nose her while she talks about how she's addicted to plastic surgery and had ten procedures done in a single day.

At just 23 years old, The Hills star Heidi Montag decided to go under the knife for a second time and have a staggering 10 plastic-surgery procedures in one day.

"For the past three years, I've thought about what to have done," the reality star tells PEOPLE. "I'm beyond obsessed."

And so, on Nov. 20, Montag's total transformation began. Keeping even her family in the dark, the starlet chronicled every painful moment of recovery and her journey to become "the best me." (Source)

Holy fuckin' bejeebus, ten plastic surgeries? TEN?! What, were you hoping to fill up your a little card and get a free face-lift with your twelfth procedure? Christ...I wonder if they put a little pull-cord in her back that makes her say stuff like "Math is hard!" or "I haven't had an orgasm in years thanks to my husband's tiny penis!" when you yank it? Seriously, between her plastic body and her gay hubbie, all she needs is a pink convertible and she will literally be a Barbie.