Kat Dennings has joined the already phenomenal cast of Thor. In related news, my heart grew three sizes today. (Pajiba)

St. Tila Tequila continues her "I Have Officially Gone Batshit Tour '09" by releasing a sex tape with a man just days after calling herself a lesbian. (Yeeeah!)

Adam Lambert got nixed from Good Morning America for doing shit that everyone else has already done before. (The Blemish)

Goddamn, who knew Stephen Colbert was packing some serious pubic inches down there? (Seriously? OMG!)

Awwww, isn't that cute? Only a day over seventeen and Miley is already acting like a self-entitled bitch. They grow up so fast, don't they? (Celebitchy)

OMG YOU GUYZ! R-PATZ AND K-STEW WERE 2GETHER @ TEH AIRPORT WICH MEANZ THEIR DAYTING ZOMGWTFBBQLOLOL!!!!1! (BricksandStones)

And if that last post didn't make you lose all faith in the existence of a higher power, this next one will. And it'll do it in French. (Agent Bedhead)

Michael Lohan has started releasing taped conversations between himself and The Fat Asian Spencer Pratt, creating the ultimate black hole of awful fucking parenting. (POTP)

Straight men (and like-minded ladies), I have four words for you: Victoria's Secrets Fashion Show. Aaaaaaaaaaand you're welcome. (Superior Gossip)