No. Just...no. Don't click here if you're suicidal or have a heart condition. (Pajiba)

Oh Goddammit, they actually brought back Sarah Jessica Parker's mole for The Sex and the City sequel. As if this movie wasn't irritating enough... (Yeeeah!)

Whitney Houston blames her crappy voice on Oprah, instead of, you know, the crack. (The Blemish)

Cate Blanchett took a prop to the back of the head during a live performance yesterday and ended up bleeding onstage. Ooooo, I've been there before. Yeowch. (Seriously? OMG!)

Gerard Butler wants everything deep fried and covered in chocolate. In related news, I want to fuck Gerard Butler. (Celebitchy)

WHOA did Kevin Federline ever get fat. Like ridiculously fat. Holy Christ! (Celebslam)

Oh. My. God. There are now pole dancing dolls. For kids. This is so wrong on so many levels. (HollyWire)

Kourtney Kardashian milks her pregnancy, much to the delight of the millions of people who want kids but can never have them. *Slow Clap* (CelebSmack)

Here's Diane Kruger. Because she's hot, that's why. (usemycomputer)

Tori Spelling's gigantic face is stuck in a loveless marriage. (popbytes)

All you need to be to become The Gosselin kids' new step mommy is blond hair and huge tits. Huzzah! (Celeb Jihad)