Oh my God you guys! Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are engaged! Well, actually, they're not, but OK! Magazine needs to sell some of their shitty papers, and what better way than by baiting a bunch of obsessive pre-teen girls who don't quite understand that vampires are fictitious? And they wonder why print media is tanking.

"If Kristen is looking for Rob, she'll say, 'Has anyone seen my husband?'" an insider supposedly tells the mag. "And Rob loves to say 'Have you met my lovely wife, Kristen?' It's cute. They're like a couple of love-struck teenagers."

Something tells us that being "like a couple of love-struck teenagers" has little in common with a pair about to exchange "I dos." "Spending nights together in Rob's suite" in Vancouver is hardly cohabitating too. (Source)

Even though I actually find Pattinson and Stewart endearing, I really hope they never actually get together or anything. Something tells me that if they were to shack up, the ensuing tweener clusterfuck would create a blackhole of debilitating desperation that would destroy us all. It's true: Fangirls really DO ruin everything.

Bella and Edward at Comic Con: