Madonna is celebrating her 51st birthday in Portofino, Italy this week with her daughter Lourdes, adopted Malawian children David Banda and Mercy James, and adopted son who she bangs, Jesus Luz. Here she is going for a swim off the coast wearing a personalized basketball jersey, like most women her age do when they swim. I totally missed the episode of "Mr. Wizard" where they determined whether or not gristle is heavier than water, so I'm just going to have to assume this story had a happy ending.