Ashton Kutcher's Spread is kinda like Shortbus, only less hot and un-fucking-watchable. (Pajiba)

Now you too can watch Lindsay Lohan's house being broken into, from the comfort of your own home! Seriously, now that's just cruel. (Yeeeah!)

You know, I used to think Spencer Pratt was just annoying, but now I think he's gone Robert Downey Jr.-style Full Retard on us. (The Blemish)

It's official: Jason Biggs has officially lived through my nightmare of having a monkey try to maul your fucking face off. (Seriously? OMG!)

I gotta say, Lauren Bacall is a kinda crazy that I can really get behind! Go you, honey! (Celebitchy)

Hermione Granger got caught drinking a Corona. GASP! Teenagers? Drinking? What is this world coming too? (Celeb Jihad)

Jennifer Garner and her daughter playing tag together warm the tiny, blackened, fozen cockles of my heart. (BricksAndStones)

If this poster is any indication, I fucking need to see Inglourious Basterds. (Agent Bedhead)

What better way for Chris Brown to celebrate the end of his trial for beating his girlfriend than by going out clubbing? Yay domestic abuse! (POTP)

In case of emergency, Jennifer Tilly's glorious boobage can be used as a flotation device. (Superior Gossip)