Married couple Eric "Dr. McSteamy" Dane and Rebecca "Noxema Commercials" Gayheart are covered in some shit that hit the fan late yesterday, and I don't even really know where to start. A risque tape of them surfaced (which can be seen here, NSFW obvs.) "cavorting" naked with former Miss Teen USA Kari Ann Peniche, who was most famously seen on VH1's "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew." It's not so much a sex tape though in that any sex of any kind is involved whatsoever.

Marty Singer, the couple's rep, told TMZ.com that he will sue anyone who publishes the "private, confidential tape," adding that "from what I've seen, it's a naked tape, not a sex tape."

The married couple and Peniche pass around the camera at the 25-year-old ex-beauty queen's apartment. In the clip, they appear intoxicated as they take a bath in a jacuzzi tub and lay around naked in bed while discussing their porn names.

"My alter-ego name is Peter," Dane, 36, said, adding, "my dog growing up was called Cocaine, and I lived on Manor Drive, so I'm Cocaine Manor." At one point, Gayheart, 38, says she has to lie down because she's "so high." (Source)

So basically, nothing happens. It's a sex tape about nothing. Like, it is literally the "Seinfeld" of sex tapes. I mean, if you're going to throw your career away over an explicit tape like that, there should at least be some kind of penetration or something. Either that or yelling a bunch of horrific racial slurs at an entire audience full of people.

Rebecca Gayheart at the 20th Annual GLAAD Media Awards in April: