A veritable stockpile of Madonna's unreleased audio and video recordings and love letters to a former boyfriend, security guard James Albright, are going up for auction online. Because you can't retire early off of a bunch of stupid memories, right?

In the letters to Albright, Madonna frequently refers to herself as "Lil' Booty" and "Lola Montez" -- in honor of a famous mistress of King Ludwig I of Bavaria. Her nicknames for Albright include "Booty," "Ceasar" (sic) and "Sambo." In one fax, she writes to Albright, "Just watched the HBO special. It was OK. My booty looked good and you should see how good it looks in person. It looks Bootyful!" (Source)

Jesus. For someone so obsessed with the word "booty" I'm surprised she never found a way to, you know, turn it into some kind of hit single? All I know is that she must have been fucking kicking herself when Beyonce happened.

More of Madonna's personal and private things to gawk and laugh at: