If you're planning on seeing The Collector, you should pretty much just kill yourself right now. (Pajiba)

Eminem has ED? Gasp. No way. And I always wondered why he was such a raging asshole. (Yeeeah!)

Oh look, Jude Law couldn't keep his junk on cock lockdown and now he's got a kid on the way with his baby mama. Nice job, dumb fuck. (The Blemish)

As if you need further proof that Megan Fox is a gigantic sack of crap, she totally snubbed Seth Rogen on Jimmy Kimmel Live. (Seriously? OMG!)

Jon Gosselin and Michael Lohan are pitching a show now. What part of "Go fucking die in a fire" do these two not understand? (Celebitchy)

Speaking of people who should die in a fire, J.Lo pissed everyone off at a party she threw recently, because that's just the kinda of person she is. (Celebslam)

Oh shut the fuck up, Ashton Kutcher. Please, for the love of God, just shut the fuck up. (HollyWire)

Lindsay Lohan dyed her nasty-ass weave blonde again. Choke on it. (CelebSmack)

Blah blah blah Romola Gari blah blah blah lingerie blah blah blah oh just go look at her tits already. (usemycomputer)

Oh my fucking God, what the hell is wrong with Lady Gaga's vagina? Sex with her must be like throwing a hot dog down sloppy, herp-ridden hallway. (Celeb Jihad)

Paris Hilton is the new face of Herpes medication. Literally. Honestly, I'm surprised that cesspool between her legs isn't on fucking quarantine. Someone please euthanize her. (Allie is Wired)