Heidi Montag is Tasteful
I don't know where the hell Heidi and Spencer are, because they haven't been photographed or heard from since they went all militia on everybody's asses. So instead, here is increasingly famewhorish Holly Montag to give some insight into her sister's upcoming Playboy spread:"She's not nude," her sister Holly Montag told Usmagazine.com Monday at Ryan Sheckler X Games Celebrity Classic in Coto De Caza, Calif. "Her Maxim cover was so gorgeous and tasteful, and I know Playboy is going to be the same. It's really cool that she can be part of the Playboy family. I love it. I go up there all the time and play poker. I love the girls there, and it's very cool to be a part of that legacy." (Source)
Why on the hell would anybody buy a copy of Heidi Montag's Playboy if she's not even going to be naked in it, when a google image search for "Heidi Montag bikini" literally yields over 90,000 results? That's like buying a cow when the streets have been flooded with milk in some apocalyptic Bible-era type flood. And if that were to happen, just so you know, don't say that Heidi Montag didn't warn you or anything.
i hope they sequestered themselves in an underground bunker and then the bunker collapsed on them and they were crushed under 22 tons of concrete and dirt and then meteors fell from the sky and turned all of that dirt and concrete into molten lava and then i hope that disintegrated them and then i hope they got to the gates of heaven and got laughed at and were reincarnated as those two gross bugs i washed down my shower drain this morning.
and that's why we haven't seen them lately.
the end.
For the love of vagina, Jesus is going to be MAD.