Michael Jackson's former dermatologist, Arnold Klein, who is heavily rumored to be the biological father of Paris and Prince Michael, went on "Good Morning America" to clear up said rumors. Except, not really at all, whatsoever.

"Not to the best of my knowledge," he said when asked by Diane Sawyer if he's the father of Prince, 12, and Paris, 11. "But I'm telling you, if push comes to shove, I can't say anything about it...but, to the best of my knowledge, I am not the father of these children."

"That's an intriguing phrase, 'to the best of my knowledge,'"

Sawyer replied. "Yes," he admitted. (Source)

Well played, Dr. Klein. And likewise, to the best of my knowledge I've never gotten so drunk I've pissed the bed, but local authorities have yet to catch the notorious "West Philly Pisser" who has apparently been breaking into people's homes and urinating on them while they sleep. They're going to get the guy soon, though, I have a good feeling this time.