Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a shitty movie, and Michael Bay has a tiny penis. Surprise! (Pajiba)

Speaking of small, phallic objects, who wants to see Glenn Close stuff a bunch of baby carrots in her mouth? Me me me me me! (The Blemish)

Okay, how's this for awesome: Johnny Depp left a waiter a $4,000 tip on a $4,400 bill. Fuckin' A, dude! (CelebSmack)

Wow, Hilary Duff ain't looking quite as svelte as she used to, huh? (Yeeeah!)

The AMPAS are bumping up the amount of nominees for "Best Picture" from 5 to 10. You know they're still going to choose the safest/most undeserving pick of the lot, right? (Seriously? OMG!)

Elizabeth Hasselbeck thinks that plagiarism lawsuit against her is "Without merit". Just like everything Elizabeth actually says. (Celebitchy)

As it turns out, Jack Osbourne got beat up the other day, only he didn't act like such a fucking pussy about it. (Celebslam)

Buffy versus Edward Cullen? Oh come on, like that's even a fair fight. Everyone knows Buffy would kick his stupid emo ass! (HollyWire)

Here's Ashley Jones of The Bold and the Beautiful. Oh whatever, it's a slow news day... (usemycomputer)

And for the ladies and the gays, here's Justin Chambers snorkeling. Your welcome. (popbytes)

Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper have joined forces to become the most bland and boring couple ever. Weeeeee. (Lainey Goss)