Holy shit, y'all! Pajiba has turned five-years old, and former Manservant Dustin did a vlog for the occasion! Break out the cake and strippers! (Pajiba)

Debbie Rowe doesn't want to custody of Michael Jackson's kids, and apparently, has some weird sort of horse fetish.... (Yeeeah!)

Janet Jackson delivered a touching speech about her brother at last night's BET Awards, while Joe Jackson took the opportunity to...Plug his record company? What. The. Fuck. (Seriously? OMG!)

Because you can never have too many divorces, Britney Spears is engaged! Again! Hey, third time's a charm, right? (The Blemish)

Audrina Patridge's reality show got the green light, while Pushing Daisies is still cancelled. This is why I hate things. (Celebslam)

Hermione said she didn't want to be "Too styled, too generic", despite appearing on the cover of the most styled and generic magazine EVER. (Celebitchy)

Alicia Keys' voice is like a cat rubbing up against your leg, and she looks remarkably elegant. I have nothing bad to say about her really... (Lainey Goss)

My God...Even Lily Allen's undies are quirky and adorable. (Allie is Wired)

Nothing makes a family vacation like dangling over the world's tallest waterfall! (omg blog)

I don't even know who Katie Price is and I already hate her. A lot. (CelebSmack)

Here's Sarah Chalke at the premiere of Bruno. Just 'cause. (usemycomputer)