The first images from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland have been released, and I'm absolutely giddy about them. Yay! (Pajiba)

In case you haven't heard by now, Perez Hilton may or may not have been beaten by Will.I.Am. But that black eye? Yeah, that may have been a tad exaggerated. (Allie is Wired)

Oh, and now St. Tila Tequila is weighing in on this. It's the holy trinity of douchebaggery! (CelebSmack)

As if you need another reason to hope for Paris Hilton's painful, premature demise, she stole Lily Allen's Blackberry. What a fucking bitch. (Celebitchy)

Looks like Matthew McConaughey has another mini on the way. All bow before the McConau-schlong! (Yeeeah!)

Awwww, Megan Fox apologized to the chubby little kid who tried to give her a flower! Hate to break it to you kid, but it's all downhill from here. (The Blemish)

Stephen Baldwin is like a cheap motel: Gross, trashy, and LITERALLY INFESTED WITH INSECTS. (Seriously? OMG!)

I may not be Lindsay Lohan's biggest fan, but come on girl...You're better than this! (Celebslam)

No matter how big of a dick you think your Dad is, just be thankful he's not willing to pay someone to kidnap your fucking dog! (omg blog)

Because everyone loves Kristen Bell, here she is in a bikini. (usemycomputer)

Ladies and gentlemen, we have found the cure for Bitchface: Jake Gyllenhaal. (Lainey Goss)

Before I forget, I'd just like to throw in a shameless plug for mine and Stacey's Twitter profiles. You can follow Stacey at litelysalted, and you can follow me at Jeremy_Feist. Thanks, minions!