Shia LaBeouf is on the cover of Parade magazine this month, in which he gives an eyebrow-raising interview about how he used to see his parents having sex, smoking weed, and his mom being naked all the time, and how that has subsequently affected his life. Ermm ... Okay. He says:

"The good actors are all screwed up. They're all in pain. It's a profession of bottom-feeders and heartbroken people.," LaBeouf also says, describing what caused his split with China Brezner, whom he dated for three years.

"Maybe it was career pressure. ... Maybe I chose work. Every man has those feelings of escape and survival. I know you shouldn't be that way. I'm trying to understand it and find the answers. I don't have them now. Why did the love of my life and I break up? ... Man, I have no idea. What was that all about? I have no answers to anything. None. Why am I an alcoholic? I haven't a damn clue! What is life about? I don't know." (Source)

So basically, what I got out of all that is that Shia LaBeouf is poised to become the Boy Lindsay Lohan of our generation. Which is kind of nice, actually. I mean day in, day out, it's all nip slip this and upskirt that. Would it be too much to ask for a dick slip now and then? Why eat tacos every day when you can have sausage? Sorry, that was just gross. That's the last time I'll compare the downtrodden, herp-infested gentials of Hollywood to food. My promise to you.

The other half of the brain trust at the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen press conference: