It took Paris Hilton a whole entire day to move on from Doug Reinhardt to Manchester United star Cristiano Ronaldo, pictured above with Paris early Thursday morning. That's actually kind of a record for her, since usually she's got a new penis in her mouth within the hour. Good job, P!

Several celebrity websites in America claim the pair were intimately kissing. One witness wrote: '[She was] hot and heavy, making out with Cristiano at his table.'

Paris was last night telling friends they were an item, saying: 'He's hot, a real athlete - and the chemistry between us was electric. 'Cristiano's much better than my ex. He was nothing but a low-paid minor league baseball player.' (Source)

Meanwhile, sad-sack Doug fired back in a statement:

"Doug refuses to take part of this ridiculous media circus. He wishes Paris and all of her future boyfriends the best of luck." (Source)

Oh heavens! Not the ridiculous media circus! Because that's the last thing a guy dating Paris Hilton would ever possibly want. Whatever happened to the days when a guy could date the most famous whore on the planet and not have to live under a microscope? We should all be ashamed of ourselves. The poor guy probably has a ton of antibiotics to take and cremes to apply, so he could really use his privacy right now.