John Mayer was asked by paparazzi of rumors of late that he's banging some 20-something cocktail waitress, and instead of ignoring them or saying "no comment," a bunch of stupid crap spilled out of his stupid maw. You know, basically, like usual.

"If I had a girlfriend, she would be incredibly offended by me saying, 'I don't have a girlfriend,'" Mayer told X17Online.com after kickboxing in Santa Monica this weekend. "That's how you can be sure. I could say, 'I'm not with anybody.' That'd be a death wish if you were the woman."

He added: "If you were the woman and you stepped out and said, 'I'm not with anybody, you'd have to go home and take a lashing for the next three weeks! So that's the proof." (Source)

I listened to him say that four times and couldn't make any sense of it. Then I got distracted by his douchey tattoo sleeve in that muscle shirt and stopped trying. If John Mayer thinks that saying you don't have a girlfriend to intrusive paparazzi is the worst thing you can do to a girl, then maybe he's not the giant, caddish asshole I thought he was. Here the whole time I thought he was giving away the clap as a parting gift. Boy is my face red!

More of Gentleman John trying to look cool with the guy from Anvil: