Craptacular: (Adjective) The most supreme and spectacular level of crappiness.

Oh, happy day, for Heidi Montag has a new single out! "Look How I'm Doing," which debuted this morning on Ryan Seacrest's show, was apparently not written by Heidi Montag but unfortunately was still sung by Heidi Montag. Which naturally still makes it horrible. Us Weekly has the scoop:

The catchy pop song was written by Cathy Dennis, who also penned Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" and Britney Spears' "Toxic."

Could the lyrics -- " Your excuses get better/you couldn't give me time" -- be about beau Spencer Pratt? (Source)

I never get tired of Us Weekly's crack reporting. "Was this song, which we literally just reported that Heidi Montag did not write herself, based on personal experiences in Heidi Montag's life?" Seriously, no matter how much alcohol I regularly put into my body, it's nothing compared to the brain damage I receive slogging through this horseshit on a daily basis to bring you people gossip. Maybe I should try a safer line of work, like asbestos scraping on paint chip taste tester.

Frick and Dumber at Perez Hilton's birthday party: