White Wedding
White Wedding: (Noun) A traditional formal or semi-formal Western wedding, referring to
the white color of the wedding dress, which became popular in the
Victorian era.I missed most of the Oscars last night because I was away for the weekend, and oh yeah, also because I effing hate the Oscars. But as I flip through the photos this morning I notice that many of the dresses had something in common. I wonder if it's somebody's official job to send out a memo to the attendees that say, "Pssst. We're all wearing dresses that look like wedding gowns this year." You'd think at least Sarah Jessica Parker would be tired of this noise after the stupid Sex and the City movie last year. Guess not. Oh, and true story: Last night I had to stop at my parents' house to pick up my dog and my mom informed me that Sarah Jessica looked like "a fairy princess." OK, I can kind of see that. Except Sarah Jessica Parker is old, so she's kind of like whatever the opposite of what a "princess" is. A fairy hag, maybe? Yep, that works.
Hop on inside for more dresses and dresses and dresses!
Marisa Tomei wins the award for most ridiculous wedding gown of the Oscars. But, I'm OK with it, because nobody has paid attention to Marisa Tomei in a really long time before this. She kind of deserves getting away with a ridic dress, you know?
Penelope Cruz wore a traditional, strapless embroidered Oscar wedding gown, customary of the Oscar wedding gowns in her native country of Spain.
Big surprise. Angelina Jolie opted against a white dress in favor for a black dress and pompadour bangs. Oh, but she's got green earrings on... So that's new, I guess?
Fact: Miley Cyrus' dress was made entirely out of those blankets you put underneath Christmas trees.
Red was so the 2008 Academy Awards. I guess no one told Amy Adams and Amanda Seyfried that everyone was wearing white this year. Somebody is sooo getting fired over this.
Uhmm... I don't like this at all. I can't tell if those are reflections or if the entire dress is made out of the same material as Hypercolor and Freezy Freakies.
Mickey Rourke opted for a classic white suit/black vest, black boots, black watch, black sunglasses/chain wallet combo. Nicely done, my friend.
What's this? A color that's not totally goddamned boring? Are we still at the Oscars or have I literally been transported to Oz?
I saved Beyonce for last, because even I don't even know what to make of this. For some reason she kind of reminds me of a candle holder. A really, really ugly candle holder you might find in the home of somebody with no taste.
Penelope Cruz wore a traditional, strapless embroidered Oscar wedding gown, customary of the Oscar wedding gowns in her native country of Spain.
Big surprise. Angelina Jolie opted against a white dress in favor for a black dress and pompadour bangs. Oh, but she's got green earrings on... So that's new, I guess?
Fact: Miley Cyrus' dress was made entirely out of those blankets you put underneath Christmas trees.
Red was so the 2008 Academy Awards. I guess no one told Amy Adams and Amanda Seyfried that everyone was wearing white this year. Somebody is sooo getting fired over this.
Uhmm... I don't like this at all. I can't tell if those are reflections or if the entire dress is made out of the same material as Hypercolor and Freezy Freakies.
Mickey Rourke opted for a classic white suit/black vest, black boots, black watch, black sunglasses/chain wallet combo. Nicely done, my friend.
What's this? A color that's not totally goddamned boring? Are we still at the Oscars or have I literally been transported to Oz?
I saved Beyonce for last, because even I don't even know what to make of this. For some reason she kind of reminds me of a candle holder. A really, really ugly candle holder you might find in the home of somebody with no taste.
Marion Cotillard looked amazing last night. Not as great as last year but then again she wasn't nominated this year and she's not a famewhore(*cough* Beyonce *cough*).
And her boyfriend. Oh la her boyfriend....
i'm just going from the photos (hate the broadcast) but beyonce looks like she ripped the fabric from her dress off of the wall paper at a bad "chinese canadian" restaurant - the type where they serve both dim sum and fries for the kids.
and portman's dress is nice, but she's TANFASTIC.
My three favorite dresses were Marion Cotillard, Kate Winslet and Marisa Tomei (even though it was bridal-esque, I loved the details.)
Fun Fact: those tree blankets are called skirts. Also, I feel pain for SJP's boobies. Why she gotta treat her girls so rough?
A tree skirt!!! That's it!!! I literally could not think of what that was called this morning. Which is why I called them blankets. Ah well.
SJP looked like such a wanna-be princess turd.
And Beyonce looked like she was encased in a mermaid sausage mold. Yugh.
Miley Cyrus is being eaten alive by mutant lettuce! hurrah!
my eternal love Natalie Portman looked stunning!
basically saved the show of ridiculously boring gowns.
Jolie is really pissing me off now! why waste such beauty on plain outfits and stupid jewelry??