Forbidden Planet is the next film on the chopping block for a bloated, crappy Hollywood remake. (Pajiba)

If Mariah Carey's tits see their shadow it means six more weeks of winter. (HQ Celeb)

Paris Hilton got some fresh herpes sores for Christmas. The gift that keeps on giving!  (Yeeeah!)

Angelina Jolie's uterus has been shut down by the board of health. (The Blemish)

Miley Cyrus hosts an 80's themed party. Was Miley Cyrus even alive in the 80's? Shut up, Miley. (Seriously? OMG!)

Britney Spears has a "type." Well, dancers, obviously. What, did you think I meant that other thing? (Celebitchy)

Lindsay Lohan marvels at the concept of underpants. (Ayyyy!)

It's like all the moves of Beyonce without any of the bitch craziness. (cityrag)

Lindsay Lohan's psycho dad finally decided to cut the middle man and start his own batshit insane blog. (omg blog)