Scumbag: (Noun) A contemptible or objectionable person.

I never thought I'd say this, but lately I've been experiencing what I can best describe as "sympathy" for Lindsay Lohan. Before you start thinking I'm crazy, take these snippets from a letter Michael Lohan sent to paparazzi agency, X17 Online. Or as I like to call it, "the incoherent ramblings of a madman."

First of all, I don't believe that the recent blogs posted by "Lindsay" were written by her. As far as the comments themselves, I think that we can all see that anyone with something negative to say about Samantha, is attacked by the "person" writing the blog ( probably Samantha herself) !!!

First, it was me for speaking out against Samantha after I was in a deep conversation with Lindsay, only to have Samantha in the background enticing Lindsay to get off the phone with me.. Then my own ex wife expressed such sincere concern that I felt we had to intervene. Now, Joe Francis is attacked for speaking out about Samantha, when he too cares about Lindsay and is concerned about Samantha's effect on Lindsay.

Joe Francis is a good person and even a better businessman. He wasn't a bad guy when he flew Lindsay around on his jet, opened the doors top his home or tried to help, was he? Of course not, because Samantha wasn't around. Sounds familiar with regard to me as well !!!!

There is a lot more to Samantha than meets the eye! Not that what we see is soooo pleasing anyway!I I mean, what's with this ...."person"??? Look at the way she "dresses"? Once more, she uses her middle finger more than she uses words! Personally, I think she is dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity! Have you ever seen her apartment? For God's sake, when she runs out of toilet paper she tells people to use the cardboard roll. (I was told this first hand). (Source)

I have to say that there is nothing wrong with using the cardboard roll. You know the Indians used to use corncobs, but I bet Michael Lohan probably hates those evil sons of bitches, too. Seriously, how big of an insane homophobe do you have to be to put Joe Francis over your daughter's girlfriend? If you'll recall, Joe Francis' vocalizing his concern for Lindsay came in the form of accusing Samantha Ronson of having a penis. If you'll also recall, Joe Francis is a huge, date-raping asshole who made his fortune selling DVDs of underage girls taking their tops off. Not to be cliché or anything, but just reading the words  "Joe Francis is a good person" literally made me throw up in my mouth. Although, that may have had something to do with the mayo on the sandwich I had for lunch having an uncertain "tang" to it. Blergh.

Editor's note: I think you forgot some exclamation points, there, Bucko.

Whatever. I am so Team Lindsay and Sam now. And plus, look how freaking adorable they were at the "TV Guide" post-Emmys party. I hope they never, ever, ever break up.