Fatty: (Noun) A nickname for a big, fat huge person.

For the past month, the internet has been ablaze with rumors that "Desperate Housewives" star Eva Longoria is knocked up. Well, the rest of the internet, anyway, because I think Celebrities Getting Impregnated By Their Significant Other stories are pretty much the most boring thing ever. Anyway, she's not pregnant -- just fat. Hey, she said it:

"I'm just fat," she said Tuesday during an interview with Le Grand Journal with husband Tony Parker. She then burst out laughing while Parker chuckled nervously. (Source)

Well, you have to give her credit for handling it so graciously, anyway. Because let me just tell you, if you happen to go up to a stranger in the Target, rub her belly and ask: "When is the baby due?" And she turns out not to be pregnant? The reaction is decidedly less... So. And getting smacked in the face with a Michael Graves toilet scrubber hurts more than you'd think.

Eva and Tony at the premiere of the 9 film earlier this week. Seriously though, lard-ass here needs to lay off the Krispy Kremes and Taco Bell: