Dickbag: (Noun) A person who is literally bag of dicks.

You know what I hate? Having to stick up for somebody that I would normally make fun of. And I also hate Joe Francis. Really, really hate him. In the above clip, Joe Francis smugly goes off about how Lindsay Lohan isn't really gay, about how Samantha Ronson has a penis and is so jealous of men being near Lindsay that she was "about to punch him the other day."

Well, I've got news for Joe. Samantha Ronson wanting to punch him had nothing to do with her being worried that Joe Francis was going to lay his alleged "sexy" down on her girlfriend. She probably wanted to punch him because it's the natural instinct one is overcome with upon hearing Joe Francis speak -- other than girls pumped pull of date rape drugs, naturally. The only way I could ever conceivably envision experiencing feelings of jealousy in the same thoughts as "Joe Francis" is if I heard that somebody sawed off his wiener with a rusty tin can and I wasn't there to help; or at least cheer and spit in his face.

Lindsay Lohan, who is probably not going to be friends with Eunuch Francis anymore, looking healthy and happy at the premiere of "Ugly Betty."