What the crap? Why are all the funny black people inexplicably dying? (Celebslam)

And I bet the "South Park" guys feel totally bad now that Chef is really dead. (The Blemish)

How do you say Paris Hilton without saying Paris Hilton? For me, making a circle with one hand and jabbing the index finger of my other hand in and out of the circle usually works. (Yeeeah!)

Hayden Panettiere's dad is campaigning to be the next Michael Lohan. (CelebritySmack)

Sam Lufti is planning a tell-all book about Britney Spears, purportedly about the fond memories and good times he spent drugging Britney Spears. (Celebitchy)

Kiefer Sutherland comes clean* about "dropping the soap." (Agent Bedhead)

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, starring in "The Pussiest Hells Angels Ever." (Ayyyy!)

Scientologists party like Xenu actually exists. (Socialite's Life)

Let's all point and laugh at stupid Dawson's crying face! (omg blog)

Considering how Tori Spelling whored for a part in the new "90210," she should be lucky to get paid in peanuts. And not those yummy, butter-toasted ones, either. (Bricks and Stones)

Eight, pants-crapping moments from the Olympics opening ceremonies. (BestWeekEver)

Pink Flamingos was like the artsy equivalent of Screech's sex tape. (Pajiba)

* Pun intended