Madonna might be recruited by the military to employ "cooties warfare." (The Blemish)

Samantha Ronson finally turned into a dude. Or, I kinda think she looks like one of those fancy lesbians. (Celebslam)

Pierce Bronson tries to resuscitate a beached wh-- NO! I can't. This joke is too mean to finish, even for me. (Yeeeah!)

OHHHH SNAP. And Denise Richards holes herself up in the Forever 21 at her local mall with a full artillery in 3... 2... 1... (Celebitchy)

Whew. I read this headline and thought "It's Always Sunny" was going to pull some "Weeds" bullcrap and head for Tijuana or some shit. (Seriously? OMG!)

Bikers + Puppies = Feel Good Story of the Day. (cityrag)

Close second? Cameron Diaz rescues a dog. (Socialite's Life)

"Dancing with the Stars" Season 7 is official. Why, Jefferson? Why?! (BestWeekEver)

Blake's mom wants Amy Winehouse put away. You and the rest of the world, lady. (CelebritySmack)

Lauren Conrad out-whores Heidi Montag. (HQ Celebrity)

Elisabeth Shue makes her triumphant return (?) in Hamlet 2. (Pajiba)