Babysitter: (Noun) Someone who looks after a child or children in the absence of parents.

Wonder how Lindsay Lohan has been managing not to fall off the wagon these past few months, despite being seen out at clubs all the time? Well I'll tell you one thing -- it ain't willpower! Apparently Lindsay has been paying a "sober companion" to steer her straight.

Lori Cerasoli is paid $2,000 a day to be Lohan's 'sober companion', traveling everywhere with the star, to help her resist the temptation of alcohol and drugs. And Lohan's father Michael claims Cerasoli has helped turn the 22 year old's life around. He says, "I give her most of the credit for the positive influence around my daughter." (Source)

Two grand a day is the going rate to keep Lindsay Lohan away from drugs and alcohol? Shit. They could save a lot of money by just hiring a run of the mill animal handler. Once you've taken down a small black bear, a 90 pound drunk is a cinch. And unlike these so-called "sober companions," an animal handler won't charge extra for shock sticks and tranquilizer darts, either.

More of the poster child for secret drinking sobriety at Lollapalooza last weekend: