Somehow I have a feeling Angelina didn't get paid for this endorsement. (Seriously? OMG!)

Well, we almost made it a whole day without mentioning Madonnaisawhoregate. (The Blemish)

Sam buys Lindsay a promise to not start drinking and have sex with men again ring. (Yeeeah!)

GASP! How scary! David Lee Roth almost died! Oh hey look, there's a squirrel outside. Wait, what was I saying? Eh, guess it wasn't important. (Agent Bedhead)

These breasts have more plastic in them than a frisbee factory. (Ayyyy!)

Flo was right: Christopher Knight and Adrienne Curry are more doomed than the Earth's natural resources. (Celebitchy)

Brian Austin Green floats down The Nile river. Wait, I think I said that wrong. (Socialite's Life)

Lauren Conrad's breasts defy the laws of a flimsy, ill-fitting garment. (Celebslam)

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! Wait, who is Harriet Carter again? (IBBB)

That feud with Spencer clearly must have pushed Mary Kate over the edge. (popbytes)

Brooke Hogan does "come hither" like most people do "trying to push out a crap." (HQ Celebrity)

Clash of the Titans doesn't have enough fart jokes in it to be one of my personal Hangover Theater viewings. (Pajiba)