Some douchebag is trying to sell stolen, X-rated photos of 15-year-old Miley Cyrus. Because we don't have laws against selling pictures of naked 15-year-olds or anything. (The Blemish)

Cash Warren must be a goddamn Svengali or something. (Celebslam)

Sienna Miller scoffs at Madonna's laissez-faire approach to homewrecking. (Yeeeah!)

You know what we could really use more of? Opportunities for Jack Black to ham it up. (Seriously? OMG!)

Rumer Willis says she knows she's a big egg-headed freak of nature. Awww. (Celebitchy)

Paris Hilton's "Dream Catchers" are the closest you can get to Paris Hilton without catching anything. (popbytes)

Garfield's Slutty Cat Girlfriend Kardashian please report directly to jail. (Celebrity Smack)

Jane Krakowski and the case of the missing muffin top. (Ayyyy!)

One thing Brooke Hogan certainly knows is how to make her titters look like the titters of a woman thrice her age in an ill-fitting garment. (Socialite's Life)

Nothing is coming up A-Rod these days. (CelebWarship)

Now before I head off to the most remote part of New Hampshire and leave the site to Dustin for the rest of the week -- (which hopefully won't be renamed "Ryan Reynolds is my Bitch when I return) -- Pennsylvania pride, bitches! (Pajiba)