Unfair: (Adjective) Unkind, inconsiderate, or unreasonable.

Now, I'm not the one on this site who's known for posting namby-pamby, feminist, love your body diatribes, (not that there's anything wrong with that, because I know how you ladies love our resident sensitive man) but I've got something to say here. Everybody is saying Alanis Morrisette is pregnant -- even some of our illustrious readers -- and quite frankly I find that to be complete and utter bullshit. Despite not necessarily being a fan of her music, and her unfortunate rendering of the term "ironic," I've got respect for old Alanis here. Unlike 90% of the fuckwit celebrities I routinely skewer on this site, Alanis didn't get into this business because she participated in some asshole glorified karaoke contest or because she was willing to get breast implants or embody some fakedy-ass persona. No, people. Alanis Morrisette got here because she used to bang Uncle Joey from "Full House" and wrote a killer song about it that made a lot of people really happy.

And because of this, I'm going to say lay the fuck off Alanis Morrisette. Can't a girl have her metabolism come to a screeching halt or decide to go on an all cookie-dough and pork cracklin' diet without having some assholes say she's knocked up? Because unless I'm mistaken and women are now carrying their young in their necks, asses and thighs -- Alanis is no more pregnant than I am, and I weigh 110 pounds and consume so many diet pills and glasses of pinot grigio on a daily basis they've practically become food groups.

Now excuse me while I bask in the smug, undeserved satisfaction of an extremely shallow person who did their best to say something nice. It does feel good!